first five characteristics that my discipleship group and I discovered by surveying men with the question, "Apart from physical appearance, what causes a woman to be captivating to you?" Each man's answer was different and unique, shaped by his own tastes.
The list is a compilation of all their answers and no one woman should seek to be all things on this list. Instead, let us enjoy who we are allow that to draw others to us.
6. True to Herself:
Consistent (not two-faced); unique; not like everyone else; not trying to look and act like all the other girls; comfortable with who she is
7. Enjoys Life:
Sense of humor (not just that she can tell a joke, but that she is comfortable enough to laugh and enjoy the funny things of life); passionate (really believes in something with all her heart); able to play along with jokes; able to joke around; has purpose, a sense of where she's going in life; has a sense of adventure; willing to take risks
8. Good Conversationalist:
Knows when to talk and when not to; listens well; able to speak her mind without being defensive or attacking and without putting others down; not afraid to fight or enter a battle of wits; able to have deep conversations about the stuff of life
9. Good Companion:
Someone who he feels comfortable with; he can be himself and be accepted; someone who's willing to do stuff he enjoys; who's interested in what he enjoys; who's willing to take a walk in the rain and not worry about her hair
10. Loyalty and Faithfulness:
Stand with you through think and thin; NOT A FLIRT; doesn't cheat on you
The idea of being one not just physically, but emotionally as well; an indefinable link or connection; a sense of oneness; a sense of completion; more than a feeling; whenever you're together there's a sense of being home, of belonging, of completion (this is not planned, not contrived, it's either there or it's not; it just happens)
Since this is a month of Pivot Points in my life, I feel compelled to explain why this list was important.
I talked to men in their teens, 20s, 30s, and 40s, both single and married. I was fascinated and stunned by their answers, because they did not fit into my preconceived ideas of what attracted men to women. I remember one man I talked to said, "Just the fact that you are a woman makes you captivating." Wow!!! For real?
You see, I had enjoyed friendships with men since my teens. I had enjoyed interacting with men, talking with them, being with them. Yet, somehow the romance piece never fell into place for me. That did nothing to affirm my femininity in fact it undermined my confidence as a woman. Talking to these men, hearing what fascinated them, the things that attracted them to women, the things that made a woman captivating, was so affirming. Some of them were captivated by one thing, another by something different. They were not looking for perfect women or airbrushed models, but real women who they found fascinating in their own way. I walked away from these conversations with a deep respect and appreciation for these men and with profound affirmation of my value as a woman.