Dear Church, Notes from Single Women (Part 2)

Please check out part 2 of Linda Stoll's series about how single women experience the church. This post shares the stories of 4 more single women. Check it out here: "Dear Church - Heartfelt Notes for 8 Single Women - Part 2"

Dear Church, Notes from Single Women

A few weeks ago my dear friend Linda asked me to comment on what I would like the church to know about singles and the church. My response, along with three other single women, is included on her blog in the post, "Dear Church - Heartfelt Notes from 8 Single Women." (Part one) Please check it out and also her calm, peace-filled, and friendly site.

Alzheimer's - There is Hope

Recently, after I wrote "Alzheimer's - Another Face of Grief" someone commented about the hopelessness of the situation. I was taken a bit off guard by the comment. Granted Alzheimer's Disease (AD) has no cure and while some treatments slow down the disease for awhile, there is as of yet no cure, no effective treatment. (I have heard that an ultrasound treatment is being tested in Australia that has had some success. Let's pray that it IS a successful treatment!)

Despite the reality that AD has no cure and my mom will continue to decline, I do not feel hopeless, I do not perceive the situation as hopeless. In fact, I have a great deal of hope, hope that is not based on this circumstance or on change. Where is this hope?

1. I have hope in the fact that one day my mom will have a new body and mind. After she breathes her last breath here on earth, her soul will be transported to Heaven. There she will be united with her Savior who she has loved and served throughout her life. She will be reunited with my dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and others who have gone on before us. AND she will receive a new, perfect body. Gone will be all the aches and pains, the diseases that have ravaged her mind and body here on earth. She will be able to think sharply, see clearly, and move nimbly.

2. I have hope in the fact that God brings good out of all things that affect those who love Him. Sometimes we have to look closely for the good, careful to be aware and not dismiss it. Often, I think, the good is the transformation God brings about in us as we trust Him through the difficult times. Sometimes it is an action we are motivated to do because of where we have been. The good may look different in each situation, but it is the promise of a God who keeps His promises.

3. I have hope in the fact that God will give us strength and that He will provide. God promises His strength to us, and repeatedly He has given me strength when I have faced difficult times. In the last two years as Mom's decline has worsened, He has shown up over and over as Jehovah Jireh The God Who Will Provide. He has provided caregivers, finances, strength, and solutions over and over again.

We could become entangled in the hope that she will get better, but this is most likely a false hope that will disappoint and leave us empty. Paul of Tarsus wrote in his letter to the Romans, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us" (Romans 5:3-5 NIV). My hope is borne not from the frailty of circumstances or the false hope of her disease getting better, but in the God who stands with us and provides for us in the midst of difficult seasons.

May you find hope in the midst of difficult circumstances you face. 

Journaling for Stress Management

Stress is our reaction to our circumstances and to difficulties we face. Sometimes stress is good - we feel the pressure of a deadline and the exuberance of a task accomplished on time. Sometimes stress is overwhelming when we are trying to color with too many crayons at once. When stress is negative or overwhelming, how can we manage it in healthy ways?

Journaling is one effective practice to manage stress. Pick up a journal--one you have or if you're new to journaling pick up a plain notebook or a special journal at the store, whatever suits your style. Or turn on your computer or tablet. However, you want to record your thoughts, grab your favorite format and begin.

1. Write it out. Find a quiet spot to sit and just write. Write about what is happening, how you feel, the problems you face, the solutions you need but don't have. Write. Let the words flow from your heart and head out through your fingertips until peace begins to fill your heart.

2. Pray it through. Take your concerns to God. Tell Him all that you're facing and seek His direction, His solutions for your need. You may want to also combine this with reading the Bible. Pay careful attention to the connections between what you pray and what you read. When you see connections, jot them down in your journal. 

3. Surrender it. Concern by concern surrender them to God, expressing your trust in Him to take your burdens and to work them out for you. Peter wrote, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:8 NIV).  And He is able to give you strength when you feel depleted and able to give you solutions when it seems none are on the horizon.

Journaling Prompt: 
In a prayer in your journal fill in the blanks:
Dear Father, today my plate is full with _________________ and I feel _________________. I surrender _________________ to You. 

When the End is Near

arztsamui on freedigitalphotos.net

In two impersonal, sterile hospital rooms two separate families gather to keep vigil, to say good-bye.

Previously the doctors have had the hard conversations - the loved one is no longer responding to treatment and the prognosis is grim.

The patient and his or her family too have difficult decisions to make, hard conversations to hold. Words must make their way past a lump that forms in the throat, around sadness that breaks the heart, through tears that glisten in eyes and spill down cheeks, and finally formulate in a brain dazed by shock. These conversations require great courage.

The two families keeping vigil had these hard conversations. One family chose to deny the reality of their loved one's situation. The other family chose to let go. The patient chose to let go of this life and his family chose to let him go.

Letting go of this life and of a loved one is a heart-wrenching decision and it can also be an immense gift of love.

The family who denied reality and rejected the option of palliative care, of hospice care watched their mother, wife, and grandmother die painfully. Her death was a traumatic event both for her and for her family.

The family who chose to let go also chose hospice care. Hospice focuses on palliative care--keeping the person comfortable through the dying process. Hospice is not about heroic efforts to extend life, but about helping a person to die peacefully and helping a family to cope with the heart-rending loss of their loved one.

For many there comes a point when the doctors and other medical professionals have exhausted their options, when the treatments have failed. At this difficult moment in life, the choice becomes how to let go, how to face death. Hospice care, palliative care can help families make this difficult transition with support, care, and comfort.

Alzheimer's - Another Face of Grief

Grief wears many faces. The person standing in the unemployment line. A family that lost a home and pets in a fire. The mother who lost a child. The father who receives the news that his child has a serious birth defect. The woman who has to have her leg amputated. The husband who has to bury his bride. The young surgeon who receives a diagnosis of terminal cancer. The grandparents who know their granddaughter died at the hands of a drunk driver. The person who receives news of a life-changing chronic illness. The family who loses a beloved pet. Alzheimer's Disease (AD) is yet another face of grief.

AD takes away a loved one little by little. A once active, well-spoken woman who raised 6 children, ran a home, mentored young women, loved her husband, sewed clothes, sang at weddings begins to change. At 82 she watches the home she designed and her husband built for her burn to the ground. Her family notices that she is defensive, angry, having difficulty understanding some important factors of her husband's diabetes. Is it the beginning of Alzheimer's or the trauma of losing her home and having to start again in her early 80s? She and her husband move into their new home and she seems to become more like herself, yet there are still small changes.

Then her husband dies. After 65 years of marriage, a huge loss. A loss that would send anyone reeling. She adapts to living alone, but slowly changes become more apparent. She is unable to fill her own pill case, then she is unable to remember to take her pills. Her meals become more and more simple until she is having trouble even operating the microwave. She begins to have trouble remembering people. Eventually she is unsure of who people are and how they are related to her.

Slowly, over the months and years her family loses her, while she is still with them. Sometimes she remembers them and other times not. Her speech becomes garbled and communication becomes difficult as she struggles to find the words to express her thoughts. Social ques are missed and behaviors are often inappropriate.

Her body is still there, becoming more and more frail. She, a once vibrant, active, hard-working, talented woman becomes trapped inside a frail body and a confused mind. Still there are vestiges of the woman that once was - a clinging to her faith as she recites John 3:16 like she is holding fast to a lifesaver in a treacherous sea; her love for music as she plays the piano at 2 a.m. or watches Lawrence Welk over and over; her dislike of clutter and desire for order. Somewhere under the disease, inside the frail body, occasionally peeking out of the traitorous brain is the essence of the woman that once was.

Her family grieves. Lost is the opportunity to taste her cooking. Gone is the ability to carry on an adult conversation with her. Left behind are excursions to museums, parks, zoos, berry picking, gardening, and shopping. Recipes and memories that have not been written down may become extinct. Yet in the midst of all the losses, of what was that will never be again, there is an opportunity to keep recreating the relationship. Where we used to go shopping, now we watch episodes of Lawrence Welk. Where once we watched movies together, now we read children's books or look at photo albums. Our activities change, but while she remains there is the chance to love her, to minister to her, to enter into her world and connect however we can. There is the chance to hear her voice and to hear her play the piano, the opportunity to hug her gently, to comb her hair, to take her for a ride or to church. Every moment is filled both with grief and with the opportunity to seize every chance to cherish her presence while she is still here.

New Beginnings: #3 Are You Wearing Your Oxygen Mask?

Awhile back I saw a couple of clips of flight attendants who delivered the airplane safety instructions like stand up comediennes. Unfortunately, I've never had the privilege of flying with one of them. I've only been treated to the traditional safety film and accompanying flight attendant demo. Can you keep a secret? I thought they were a little boring and even useless. I mean, if your plane is hurtling toward the earth from 25,000 feet how much difference are any of these safety features really going to make?

Then one day I had a bit of an attitude adjustment. Still no comedian flight attendant, but I was traveling with a six year old family friend. Although her father was also traveling with the group, I knew he was a bit like the absent-minded professor and so I was prepared to give her a little extra attention. 

TCJ2020 at freedigitalphotos.net

As her little six year old self sat next to me on the plane and the safety film began, I paid careful attention. They asked who should get the oxygen mask first you or a child with you. Heroically, I replied firmly in my head, "the little girl!" Then they proceeded to show me why that was the absolute wrong answer. And it made sense, not only on the plane, but in life.

If I tried to put on the child's mask first, and encountered trouble, I would soon run out of oxygen, become unconscious, and be unable to help her. If I put on my own mask first, I would have a fresh supply of air that would allow me to remain conscious and clear thinking, able to help her overcome any challenges we might encounter putting on her mask. 

This is also true in day to day life. When we become busy, stressed, overwhelmed, our energy can be rapidly depleted leaving us without the resources to cope with life's difficulties and to love well those around us. Self-care is an important aspect of good health -- emotional, physical, and spiritual health. In times of high stress, times of change, or times of additional responsibility, adequate self-care can become more difficult.

Identify What You Need

We all need adequate sleep, healthy food, plenty of water, and exercise for physical self-care. Those are critical parts of caring for ourselves, and often the first to be sacrificed. Yet, we are more than physical beings and caring for ourselves emotionally and spiritually is also important.

What refills your emotional tank? What allows you to de-stress and regain the ability to meet high emotional demands with emotional fortitude? For me, as an introvert, time alone, time to think, time to process what is happening all refill my emotional tank. Time alone carefully balanced with time with good friends and loved ones keeps my emotional tank at optimum levels. What refreshes you? What fills you with positive emotional energy?

What about spiritually? For me, journaling, prayer, Bible study, and fellowship help me to maintain spiritual well being. What renews your spirit and your connection with God?

Make Space in Your Life for Self-Care
1. Identify what you need.

2. Brainstorm ways that you can incorporate those things that refresh you into your schedule.

3. Take steps, even small ones, to begin to create spaces and times that minister to your body, soul, and heart.

4. Put on your oxygen mask so that you have the strength to do all God has called you to do.

What have you done to make self-care a part of your life?

Or

What is the hardest part of finding time to care for yourself?

New Beginnings: #2 When Everything Seems Upside Down

When Everything Seems Upside Down

New Beginnings bring lots of changes. Positive. Exciting. Good. Yet, even the best of changes require us to adapt and navigate.

During that same time of crisis that I mentioned in "Who Are You?", I realized that feeling my life had turned upside down was more than just a feeling, it was reality. Nearly everything about my life had changed - job, schedule, meals, living arrangement, pet, dress code, sleep. My world had turned upside down. 

Still, I had chosen this path to be able to care for my Mom. I was convinced that this was God's leading and a gift I wanted to give to my Mom in this winter season of her life. So, how would I cope with all these changes? How would I navigate this uncharted territory?

Stand on Your Head

The first cross-stitch project I completed says, "When Everything Seems Upside Down, Stand on Your Head." Sometimes everything does seem upside down. How would I stand on my head?  

1. Trust God and His Purposes. God is always at work, even when I don't see it, even when I don't feel it. He is at work to draw us into relationship with Himself and to mold us to be like Christ. When I stand on my head, I want a firm foundation underneath me. God and His purposes are a trustworthy foundation.

2. Accept. Although I had underestimated the impact the changes would have, I needed to accept the reality of my new situation. Only by accepting the reality of what is could I begin to find real solutions to cope. I needed to put my head down on the floor and prepare to lift my feet toward the ceiling, trusting that I could see things correctly again, that I could navigate this uncharted course. 

3. Re-create. So what that everything was different? That's just an opportunity to be creative, to find new ways to do the things that were important. Example: Being involved in a community of believers was important to me, but attending church on Sunday mornings was a BIG challenge. With a little research and a little understanding of what would best meet that need, I found a Sunday School class that would fit into my new schedule and allow me to be involved in a community of spiritual sisters. 

4. Establish New Rhythms. In my old life, I had a quiet time each morning and set aside time to unwind daily and time to step back and rest deeply on the weekends. That rhythm was displaced in my new life. Yet, those rhythms were important to my emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. I am still experimenting with new ways to incorporate these essential rhythms into my new life. Thankfully, it's looking like Wednesday will be my new day of rest and I'm finding a new space and time for my daily quiet time. What rhythms do you find worth keeping? How do you re-establish them?

These are just a few ways to cope when life seems upside down. 

What suggestions would you offer to anyone navigating many changes at once?

News of Beginnings and Endings

At one end of the 3rd floor is maternity; at the other end is the hospice unit. Between them a short hallway, the dash between birth and death. Life.

The maternity unit is most often filled with wonderful news, with hope, with the anticipation of a life to be lived, of dreams to be developed, of potential to be realized. 

The hospice floor is a place of endings, of letting go, of saying goodbye, of memories of a life lived, of sad news. 

Between them is life, where dreams are realized or lost, where love is found and lost and found again, where families are built, where memories are made. 

I read a book recently about a man who was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in his late thirties, a brilliant surgeon with a bright future. As he adjusted to his diagnosis, to chemo, to the loss of dreams, to the loss of the life he and his wife had planned, his oncologist challenged him to determine what he valued and to expend his energy, the energy and time he had remaining on what he valued.

If I was given the news I had 10 years or 5 years or 3 years or 6 months or 3 months to live, where would I want to expend my energy and time? What would I want to do? Who would I want to be with? What legacy would I want to leave behind? 

The man in the book chose to finish his residency, create a daughter with his wife, write the book I read, and love his family and friends. The journey for each of us will be different. Identifying what we value, where we want to spend our remaining energy and time is a deeply personal process. 

I haven't received news about how much longer I have to live, still I want to live a life of meaning, of focus, of value. I want to leave a legacy that matters. Pondering these questions, determining values, is an important part of the journey to leaving a legacy that matters. 

New Beginnings: #1 Who Are You?

New Beginnings . . . those words speak of hope, life, starting over, second chances, something new and exciting on the horizon. Energizing. Hope-giving. Anticipation.

I expected the Necessary Endings of leaving a life I'd spent 18 years building and maintaining to be difficult, but I had great expectations for the New Beginnings. I knew that even New Beginnings come with challenges, but the anticipation of new opportunities was also energizing. My previous experiences with New Beginnings had left me with the expectation that the challenges were outweighed by the benefits.

Imagine my surprise, when about a month after my move, I reached a crisis point. I was exhausted and overwhelmed and my dreams and expectations seemed far from being realized . . . E.V.E.R. being realized. However the biggest impact and surprise was that I felt like somewhere, along with the things I couldn't find amidst the waiting-to-be-unpacked boxes, my identity had been lost in the move. Dear friends helped me see that it hadn't been lost, just misplaced for a time.

For 18 years I had been Dar - ministry leader, teacher, administrative assistant, journaler, and coach/counselor. Now I was Darlene, disconnected from church and ministry due to my new job, care-giving responsibilities, and schedule. I had become a Unit Secretary learning to function in a field where often even the words sounded like a foreign language. And, I had no time to journal, no space to find solitude or silence. So many of the things that made up who I am had been replaced by something foreign to who I am.

Thankfully, dear friends reminded me of who I am and helped me to begin to think about how to make sure my identity didn't get stuffed in a box to be unpacked later or donated to charity.

New Beginnings ARE a time of hope, anticipation, second changes, yet even the very best of new beginnings contain profound challenges and inherently involve change. Change impacts our identity. So how do we retain our identity in the midst of change, especially profound change? What do you do when you feel like you're losing yourself in the midst of a new season of life?

1. Remember and re-member. In the midst of unpacking, of adjusting to the new job, of meeting new people, of adjusting to a new spouse or baby, of starting a new ministry take time to remember who you are. Take time to remember your strengths, the contributions you have made in the past, the things that define you. Then take time to re-member yourself, to put yourself back together. Change pulls at us from different directions, making us feel like we're a rag doll caught between children in a tug of war. We're close to losing vital parts. When we remember who we are and then put ourselves back together we're rescued from the tug of war and able to retain our wholeness.

2. Maintain Connections. Maybe you've been blessed to have family that is part of your New Beginning, family who can help remind you of who you are. Yet, New Beginnings create stress for the whole family, so take time to stay connected as a family. Maybe you've left behind dear friends who helped you stay the course in the past. Keep in touch with them. Accept their reminders about the best that's in you or about what God has been doing in your life. Let them help you remember the best of who you are.

3. What Defines You? What are those things that if you don't do them or don't have them you're not yourself? What are those things that others would say, "As long as I've known you, you've _______"?For me, reflective silence, solitude, journaling, and ministry have defined me since I was a teen. Without them I don't feel like myself or feel able to cope well. With help from a listening friend, I was able to recognize the importance of prioritizing these things in my new situation. It may take creativity, cooperation from others in your life, and determination, but maintaining your identity is critical to your new beginnings. You are the only you the world has and if we lose you, we lose an important voice.

What have New Beginnings been like for you?

Did you ever feel like you were losing yourself? How did you cope? 

A Courageous Heart

       

Evgeni Dinev @ freedigitalphotos.net

  Have you ever felt like you were standing at the edge of a cliff, ready to take the plunge over the edge into the unknown? I have. It was a hot summer day and I had been standing in line for what seemed like forever. There was a line of people in front of me and more behind me. I was with a couple of my friends and we talked and laughed as we waited and moved forward, slowly foot by foot, climbing upward. Despite the conversation and laughter I was nervous. At the end of the climb, I would take a plunge that I had never taken before and I could feel the butterflies swarming around in my stomach. Finally, we reached the top and it was my turn. I sat down on the little rubber mat they gave me and pushed off laying down as I had been instructed. I shot forward and plummeted toward the earth as I followed the path of the twisting, turning tube, pushed onward by the flow of water and gravity. At times I was frightened that I would flip over and get a nose full of water, at other times the rush of excitement was amazing. At last I landed in the pool of water below. I had finished my first water slide adventure. I had stepped into the unknown and although it was scary it was also worth it.

          I think Joshua felt like he was standing on the edge of a precipice when we meet him in Joshua 1. Moses, his friend, his mentor, his boss, had just died and God asked him to take over leading the people of Israel. He’d been with Moses for 40 years. He’d seen the miracles God has performed through Moses. He’d been up on the mountain with Moses.  He’d been Moses’ aide and he’d seen so much, but now it’s his turn. Now the responsibility to lead this people, this nation of over a million, into battle, into the land God has promised them is his. 

          What was he thinking as he faced a future without his mentor Moses? What was he thinking as he faced leading a group of people who had been less than cooperative and obedient? What was he thinking and feeling as he stood facing his step forward into the unknown? Someday we will be able to ask him those questions, but for now we can only speculate. For now, we can only imagine what he was thinking and feeling based on what we think and how we feel when we are faced with stepping out into the unknown.

          Joshua didn’t know what the future looked like. He knew where God was taking them, but he didn’t know just what the process for getting there would look like. Often we don’t either. God gives us a burden, a vision for a work He wants to accomplish through us, but He doesn’t give us all the details. 

          As we stand at this place waiting to step off into the unknown, we often experience fear, nervousness, doubt, and discouragement. God gave Joshua the prescription to counteract those feelings. God said, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified: do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9 NIV).

          Be strong . . . not do strong or do strong things or act strong, but . . . BE strong. BE courageous. God doesn’t give us a list of dos and don’ts here, rather He tells us what to be, and what not to be. “Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, . . .” Then He tells us why we can be these things, “. . . for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Oswald Chambers wrote, “We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God.” 

          It is God who gives us the grace and the strength and the courage to step off into the unknown or to face the unknown when it is thrust upon us. We can be strong and be courageous when we are certain of God, when we are dwelling in Him, remaining in Him. 

          Brother Lawrence, a monk who lived a few hundred years ago, made it his mission in life to practice the presence of God. (There’s a book about him called Practicing the Presence of God if you want to know more.) He chose to spend every day as if God were walking through it with him, to focus his thoughts on God all day long, to pray continually.  By practicing God’s presence he made his dwelling place in God.

          “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust’” (Psalm 91:1-2). We are not strong and courageous because we never face difficulty (we wouldn’t need to be strong or courageous then), but we can be strong and courageous IN difficulty because of our God who never leaves us or forsakes us.

          May you find strength and courage in the great I AM because He is strong and courageous.  May you be able to face each circumstance with strength and courage because I AM will never leave you or forsake you.

                                                                   

What's Simmering on the Back Burner?

Hi There! Thanks for stopping by. I've been working on a series about New Beginnings, but it's not quite ready to publish yet. In the meantime, I wanted to pop in and keep you in the loop about what's happening here at Emerging Butterflies.

If you've been following along, you're aware that I moved a few months ago and that adjusting to all the changes has been a challenge. One of the things I was working toward before the move was starting a new blog. That is currently still on the back burner. For now, however, I'll be here at Emerging Butterflies for awhile. When the time comes to move, I'll be sure to keep you up to date and to make the transition as seamless as I can.

You may have noticed that I recently made some style changes to Emerging Butterflies. One of them was to change the tag line: "Building a Life of Meaning; Leaving a Legacy of Love." This tag line encapsulates my desire for this blog and for the new one. I hope that you'll stop by often to see what we're talking about here.

Soon, I hope to have a brainstorming session to plan what I'll write about this year. I would love your help. "How can I help?" you ask. Well, one huge thing you could do is to tell me what you'd like to hear about and talk about here. What is one question you would like to have answered when you stop by? What is a conversation you'd like to be part of?

See you soon!!

8 Lessons from Necessary Endings

freedigitalphotos.net

On October 10, 2015 I pulled out of the parking lot of the apartment that had been my home for 18 years. The moving truck had left, my friends had pulled away, and tears threatened to run down my cheeks. It was the culmination of several necessary endings: a job, relationships, a connection to a specific place of worship, a home, and ministries. We all face endings in the course of our lives, some that we choose, some that we don't. How do we face those endings in a productive way?

Leave well. If you are the one leaving, do your best to leave well, to leave in such a way that people will be glad when you return.

Speak words of affirmation and appreciation to those you are leaving behind. Although relationships may not be ending, when we leave it changes the relationship. We no longer see each other as frequently or in the same settings. Speaking words of affirmation and appreciation let the other person know what the relationship has meant to us, the contribution they have made in our lives. This is part of leaving well.

Train a successor. If you are leaving a job, a ministry, or a role in the community, do your best to train someone to replace you. When you leave, it will leave a hole and the sooner a replacement is found, the sooner someone can be taught the ropes, the easier the transition will be.

Leave behind systems for success. When I began teaching, one of my colleagues challenged me to think ahead as if I would teach for many years and to establish systems that would make each successive year flow more easily. This advice caused me to establish systems not only in my teaching, but in other areas of my life. Established systems can help your successor to transition until they are able to make the job their own.

Accept help. Necessary Endings and New Beginnings, no matter how positive they are, are stressful. Accept help from others when they offer it. Without those who helped me pack, move, clean, and adjust, the path between the necessary endings and the new beginnings would have overwhelmed me.

Be present where you are while you are there. Leaving, moving, saying good-byes can be emotionally draining and the temptation is to disengage emotionally and mentally before you are gone physically. Part of leaving well is to be there until you are gone - to be a friend, to be a colleague, to be an employee as long as you are there.

Grieve the loss. Allow yourself time and space to grieve for what you have lost. Good or bad, what has ended has had an impact on your life, possibly for many years. Be gracious with yourself and create space for yourself to feel the pain, to weep, and to process the loss.

Let go when you are gone. After the ending takes place, after you have grieved, let go, move on, embrace the new beginnings. Make room in your life for new relationships, new jobs, new ministries, new ways of doing things.

What lessons have you learned when you faced an ending - chosen or unexpected?

The Gift of Presence

In 2007 I was going through a difficult transition, my life was changing and I decided that it might be time to get a pet. I had wanted one for some time, but my busy life wasn't conducive to having one. However, my schedule was slowing and I saw an opportunity to bring a pet into my life. After much debate whether bring a dog or cat into my home, I realized that a cat would fit my lifestyle much better. I prayed and asked God to bring along the right kitty for me. In just a short time, one of the girls in our youth group showed up one night and said that after youth group her mom was bring a new litter of kittens for us to meet. That night I met a teeny-tiny black and white kitten named Adirondack. I held him on my chest and he just snuggled in and slept easily over my heart. I fell in love. A few weeks later he came home with me.

Adirondack seemed like a big name for a tiny little guy and I wanted his name to be significant to the time of life I was in. I searched and searched and then finally find the perfect name. Dakota means "friend" and it has proved to be an apt name. He has been an excellent little friend.

On September 5, 2015 about 5:35 a.m. my sweet little Dakota passed away. It happened far too quickly in my opinion. I received a diagnosis of diabetes for him earlier that week, although the vet noted a possible problem with the liver as well. We decided to treat the diabetes and see if that was the primary issue. On Wednesday night I brought home his diabetic food and he dug right in and was acting quite normal. When I came home from work Thursday night, he had taken an unexpected turn for the worse. I was concerned and spent much of the night with him. When I arrived at the vet on Friday morning for a diabetic tutorial, the vet shared my deep concern. After a discussion of options, and many tears, I brought my little buddy home with IV liquids and pain meds. Over the next 19 hours I cared for him tenderly and was able to say good-bye.

Later I was talking with one of my sisters and she commented that I probably confided in Dakota a lot. I replied that I really hadn't. Although I talked to him constantly, my conversation with him was focused on him. As I tried to explain to my sister, I realized that the greatest gift Dakota gave me was presence.

When Dakota entered my life, I had lived completely alone for 10 years. After he came to live with me, I wasn't alone any more. When I came home, he often met me at the door. He entertained me with his antics - he had a big, quirky personality combined with intellect - and became the source of many a story. And he taught me that while I expected him to obey, I also needed to respect his likes and dislikes and take them into consideration. I learned to read his body language.

Over time we developed habits that created a connection and a pattern to our lives. Part of our morning routine was him jumping up on the bathroom sink for a drink. I'd turn on the water he'd take a drink and then jump down. I'd turn off the water and he'd come right back so I'd turn the water back on. After doing this two or three times. I warn him that "Mama's not playing this game anymore" and he'd take a long drink.

When I brought him home the first time, I was determined that I wouldn't kiss him and that he would not sleep in my bed. That first night I put him in a basket next to my bed and even though he was only about 4 or 5 inches long, he had sharp little claws and promptly climbed my dust ruffle and comforter so that he could cuddle with  me. I picked him up and put him back in the basket. He'd cry and then up the side of the bed he'd come. After doing this over and over again until 2 or 3 in the morning, I gave in and we both had a good night's sleep. Until Wednesday or Thursday morning of week he died, I regularly woke up to him on the foot of my bed. And as you can guess, I had come to kiss him regularly.

My last words before I left for work each morning were, "Bye, bye, my boy. Mama loves you. Be a good boy. No shenanigans today!" When I came home at night, often he'd meet me at the door and if he didn't I'd find him and we'd have a cuddle. He would follow me and want to be in the room I was in, sometimes close by, other times just watching me, seeing what I was up to. Of course he slept for hours every day, but even in his sleep he seemed to always know exactly where I was.

He was present with me. He was present when I found out my parent's house had burned down. He was present when my Dad passed away. He was present when I lost some of my dearest friends and my church exploded. He was present when I was working, when I was sick, when I was sleeping, when I was relaxing, when I was sad, when I was happy. The one time he wasn't present was when I got angry and he became my gauge. If my voice took on even the slightest sign of anger he'd run and I knew I needed to calm down.

Cat and Mouse (on top of the shower rod)

Petting him was calming. Hearing him purr was music to my ears. He was present with me. He was a sweet companion in times of loneliness. He was my travel companion back and forth to my parent's home on hundreds of trips. He was my playmate in the little games we played. He was comic relief that made me laugh over and over again. He was my protector from mice, spiders, and bugs. He was the writer of my Christmas letters. He was the subject of anecdotes. He was a source of connection with other cat lovers. He was a continual source of love. Above all he was present and he was one half of an irreplaceable relationship.

In time I hope to have a new kitty friend and I hope to have an amazing relationship with that little furry friend, however my relationship with Dakota cannot be duplicated because he was a living creature with his very own personality. He gave me many gifts, that collectively can be called the gift of presence.

Time to Catch Up

freedigitalphotos.net

Dear Readers,
Hi there! Well, it's been five months today since I last posted and many things have changed. In the coming weeks, I'll reflect on the deeper meaning of some of those changes, but tonight I'll catch you up on the big stuff.

Over the last several years as a family we've watched my mother's confusion grow and her ability to live on her own and care for herself diminish. Gradually, step by step, we've put measures into place to ensure her safety and well-being. Last year it became apparent that something more was needed. My sister, her primary caregiver, was burning out. I was traveling regularly to relieve her and to care for my mom and I was getting burned out. Something had to change if we were to sustain her well-being as well as our own.

After a great deal of prayer (my own as well as from family and friends), I accepted a new job which would allow me to move in with my mom and become one of three primary caregivers. I started my new position on October 5th and moved my belongings into my mom's house on October 10th. From the time I accepted the position in mid September until a couple of weeks ago when the holiday season came to a close, I felt as if I was living in a rapidly spinning whirlwind trying to make it from one day to the next. Now, four months into this life-turned-upside-down mode, I am beginning to establish new rhythms from day to day and week to week.

I have missed you, my readers. I have thought of you and longed for space to write again. As we forge ahead into 2016, I look forward to exploring some of the great themes of life: change, endings, grief, identity, ministry, pursuing dreams, and grace.

Looking forward to walking through this year with you. May you have a blessed and healthy 2016!!!
Dar

How do We Live in the Tension?

Photo by Praisaeng courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

A few weeks ago I was intrigued by a Facebook discussion sparked by an article about the gay marriage issue. Many people weighed in, some agreeing with the article's position, others strongly disagreeing. As I read the comments and followed the debate, I wanted to have the perfect comment to end the debate, to resolve the tension.

I admit, I want an easy-peasy, straightforward answer. I want both sides to walk away at peace with the other. I want resolution. However, beliefs and opinions are strong and opposing. Longings are powerful. Pain is difficult to overcome. There is no easy resolution. So we end up living in the tension. How do we navigate that?

How do we live out a Christian faith in a post-Christian (sometimes it even feels anti-Christian) culture?

I wish I had an easy answer. I wish I had the solution, however at this point, I am left with a few things I know and lots of questions.

I know God loves humankind -- more than we can possibly imagine. I know that God wants people to choose Him and to obey Him. I know that God chose, at incredibly immense cost to Himself, to allow people to chose for themselves whether or not to obey Him and that I need to give them the same freedom He does. I know that God wants me to love and demonstrate grace in the same way He has to me (oh, how poorly I do this!!!). I know that God has standards of right and wrong that He established for our well-being.

Still there is this tension, this place where we live that has no simple answers. How do we both live according to God's standards of right and wrong and love those who don't? How do become involved, intelligent, gracious citizens of a country where we have the freedom to influence public policy on matters that involve strongly held, but controversial, issues of faith and morality?

I don't know for sure. Yet, if we desire to be authentic in our faith and draw others to Christ, then I think we must come together with those who hold opposing views with respect and honesty. I think we must ask the hard questions and hear answers that we may not like and still respect the one who has spoken. We must find a way, not out of the tension, but through it.

What does "In Jesus' Name Amen" Mean?

"Hello!  You have reached the Smith’s.  We’re not home right now.  Please leave your name, number, and a brief message and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”  Beep.  “Hi, this is Karla.  I got your message.  I’d love to go to the movies this Friday.  Shall we meet there at say, 5:15.  Wanna do supper after?  Give me a call.  You know the number.  In Jesus’ name, amen.  
Ummm (long awkward pause) I mean, ummm.  Bye.”  

Jesus told His disciples, “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” (John 14:13-14 NIV) For many adding the words “In Jesus’ name I pray, amen” seems to be how we pray in Jesus’ name. Yet, for many, as the situation above so poignantly portrays, it has become a phrase that is attached to the end of our prayers that carries little meaning.  It almost seems to be a mantra that we spout without real thought our genuineness.

What does it mean to pray in Jesus’ name?  In recent years the phrase “What would Jesus do?” has been popularized, satirized, and by now often disregarded. Yet, the book from which it comes, In His Steps, raises a powerful question. If Jesus were here on earth, living in our world, working at our jobs, what would He do?  How would He handle things? I believe that this is the idea behind Jesus’ teaching in John 14:13-14. Although the name of Jesus is powerful, it is not a magic mantra to use to get God to give us our wish list. When we pray in Jesus’ name, we are embracing the God-man Jesus. We are embracing all He was and all He taught. John helps us to understand this in his first epistle when he says, “if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” (1 John 5:14b NIV)  Praying in Jesus’ name is about asking for the things that are consistent with Jesus and His teachings, which are consistent with His character. 

Praying in Jesus’ name is really about asking and answering the question, “What is God’s will in this situation? What does God want to accomplish?” and then aligning our prayers with the answer. Yet, that seems daunting. How can we know what God desires? Scripture gives us many clues regarding God’s will for His people. By searching Scripture, by praying Scripture, by listening daily for God’s direction in our lives, we become more tuned in to what God is doing generally which helps us to be open and receptive to what God is doing in specific situations. As we align our will with God’s, and begin to pray in His will, we also discover what it means to pray “in Jesus’ name.”

I would love to hear your thoughts about praying in Jesus' name. Things you've learned or questions you've had.

How would you explain "praying in Jesus' name" to someone new to prayer? 

Have you ever rotely used "in Jesus' name" in an awkward situation?

Remembering to Pray

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic
at freedigitalphotos.net. 

My day is filled with work, cleaning house, tending to people's needs and my time is full.  Then I read in 1 Thessalonians 5 to "pray continually" or as the King James Version says to "pray without ceasing" and I wonder how to obey that command.

I forget to pray sometimes. I want to pray for people I love, regarding hardships, asking for direction, and I want to obey Paul's instructions to us, but sometimes I just forget. Several years ago a woman in our community was diagnosed with very aggressive breast cancer and I committed to pray for her, but I was concerned I would forget. Then I remembered that I drive by her home every day on my way to work. I committed that each time I drove by her house I would pray for her. Her house has served as a reminder to pray, when I otherwise would have forgotten. Another friend asked me to pray for a specific situation, so I put a sticky note on my computer to remind me to pray for that situation. Then an ambulance passed by, and as I've made it a habit to do when I hear a siren, I prayed for all involved the rescue workers and those in trouble. Suddenly I realized that all of these things were reminders – simple little triggers that remind me throughout the day to pray for things that concern me and the ones I love. 

           

A few years ago a friend taught me another means to help remember to pray for someone. When someone shares a prayer request with me, even if it's by e-mail or phone, I pause and pray with them at that moment. If it's by e-mail I write the prayer in the e-mail and send it back to them. I was drawn to this idea for two reasons. First, because I knew I wouldn't break my promise to pray by forgetting.  Second, because the person hears the prayer and hopefully they are comforted and encouraged by knowing and hearing the prayer lifted up on their behalf.

I wish I didn't forget. I wish that remembering to pray was always my first response, not just my sometimes first response. I find these little reminders help me to move closer to praying continually.  If, like me, you sometimes forget to pray for the things you want very much to remember to pray for, give these little reminders a try. You can use something you drive or walk by daily; a note on the 'frig, computer, or mirror; a sound; anything that triggers your mind and heart to go before God in prayer throughout the day can lead us to more and more consistently pray continually.

What has helped you to pray continually? 

How do you remember to pray for specific requests?

A Foursome . . . And Then There Was One

For nearly 70 years the two couples were friends, family, a foursome knit together by common experience, by love, by friendship, by blood.

The two men, brothers, were born just 11 1/2 months apart. Arlyn, the older of the two was a sickly child. Although the two boys started school one year after the other, because of Arlyn's illnesses they were soon in the same class and remained so until they graduated from high school.

The girls, Dorothy and Jessie, met and became friends in 7th grade when Dorothy came to the "central school" in town from her one room country school. While in high school, the two girls worked together one summer in a laundry. They walked many--MANY--blocks from the house where they boarded with Dorothy's aunt and uncle to the laundry. On the way to and from work, they passed a Catholic church. The unfamiliar sound of the nuns chanting morning prayers unsettled them a little. At the laundry they each had their own set of duties, one ran a mangle that pressed the sheets and the other ironed uniforms.

High school passed quickly and graduation was before them. At their class night before graduation, they did a skit that showed Arlyn married to Dorothy and Floyd married to Jessie and living in a duplex. The skit proved to be a self-fulling prophecy. Floyd and Jessie married first and moved into half a house owned by his parents. When Arlyn and Dorothy married a few months later, they moved into the other half of the house.

While they were sharing the house, the two couples continued their friendship. Both women were pregnant during this season. Jessie gave birth to a son and later Dorothy to a daughter. They crocheted together, visited, and helped each other through the early days of marriage. Each couple created a home side by side with the other to care for their budding families. However, after a few short months their paths took different turns.

Arlyn worked on the family farm and Floyd and Jessie went to Bible school in preparation to go to India as missionaries. Although separated by many miles and different life experiences, when Floyd and Jessie returned from India, they settled again in the same small town where they were born. The two couples continued their long time friendship.

For about 2 weeks each year all four were the same age. Floyd was the youngest of the four and Arlyn was the oldest. Between Floyd's birthday and Arlyn's birthday all four would be the same age, then Arlyn would turn a year older and it would be another 11 and 1/2 months before they were all the same age again.

Life was busy with raising children and building their businesses. Grandchildren came along. The blessings and the hardships of life happened.

In their declining years the two women often talked on the phone about mutual interests and the men worked together to track their church's finances. When the Arlyn reached the end of his life, Floyd visited him often during the week he was in the hospital. Unable to drive that far, Floyd's son brought him faithfully. After Arlyn came home to be cared for by hospice and his children, Floyd and Jessie continued to visit, once bringing a yummy rotisserie chicken for Arlyn's family for supper.

As Dorothy faced the grief and loneliness of widowhood, Jessie called her with encouraging words and the comfort of her friendship until Jessie's voice became too weak to be heard over the telephone lines.

Now only one of this foursome remains. Arlyn, Jessie, and Floyd have been welcomed to their heavenly home, rejoicing to be with their Savior, rejoicing to be reunited with their loved ones. Dorothy remains, longing for her husband especially, missing the other dear ones who've gone before. One day the foursome will be reunited and together they will worship the Savior they loved all their lives long. Until then, Dorothy's family cherishes the days and hours they have with her.

A Trusting Heart

          ”Jump!  I’ll catch you.”

          The smell of sawdust and freshly cut lumber permeated the air. Mooing of cows provided a background symphony. My father and brother were building an addition onto our barn.  I was sitting on the edge of the hayloft, my eyes wide, and stubborn in my fright.

          Below me stood my brother arms outstretched ready to catch me. He is 14 years older than I am, and by this time he was a strong young man and fully able to catch me and put me safely on the ground.  I was afraid. I sat on the edge for several minutes.  He tried to coax me into his arms, I thought about it; I started to jump and then pulled back. I thought about it some more.  He was so sure, but I wasn’t.  What if he missed?  What if I knocked him over? What if . . . ? It was just too risky.

          I never did jump. Somehow we found a way for me to climb down which took much longer, I’m sure, but it was “safe.” 

          God says the same thing to us sometimes, “Jump! I’ll catch you!” He is big enough and strong enough and wise enough to call all the shots, and yet sometimes we don’t trust.  We wonder if God is really big enough, if He will really keep if promises. Bad things happen after all and God does allow them, what if . . .?

          Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (nicknamed Rack, Shack, and Benny by Veggie Tale lovers) were up against a situation that required them to JUMP! King Nebuchadnezzar built a statue 90 feet high and decreed that everyone had to bow down to it. Rack, Shack, and Benny couldn’t. They were good Jewish boys who loved God and wanted to obey Him. Yaweh's law said that they could bow to no one save Him. They refused to bow to Nebuchadnezzar. 

          King Nebuchadnezzar was not a nice man. In the past when he was displeased with people he had chopped them up into little pieces and made their houses into dung piles. Going up against this man doesn’t sound particularly appealing. Why not just bow down? They could bow on the outside and make it look good, but keep worshiping God at home, right? No, they needed to obey God. God said, “Don’t worship any image.” 

          Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego didn’t bow down and others noticed and reported them to the King. He was angry, in fact the Bible says he was “furious with rage” and ordered them to be thrown into a fiery furnace that had been heated seven times hotter than usual. I love Rack, Shack, and Benny’s response, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up” (Daniel 3:16-18).

          The King had them thrown in. The soldiers who threw them in were killed from the heat. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were thrown into the furnace and later they emerged from the fire. Alive. The Bible says, “They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them”  (Daniel 3:27).

          Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego obeyed God. They jumped when God said to and He caught them.

          In the distance you could hear the sound of waves, an ocean breeze hit our faces, the sun was hot overhead, and the screech of seagulls filled the air. Anna and I were at the playground at Harvey Cedars and her toy camera had stopped working.  She asked me to fix it.  Secretly I wasn’t sure I could, but hoped I wouldn’t disappoint this little 2 ½ year-old little blonde angel. I started to take the camera, but she held on. I said, “Anna, you’ll have to let go and let me take it if you want me to fix it.” Immediately she let go, and thankfully I was able to fix it. 

          I didn’t trust my brother to catch me. I looked for my own way out of my predicament, but I’ve always wished I’d trusted him instead. Rack, Shack, and Benny trusted God. Anna trusted me. 

          Job goes through loss and heartache and stress that we can only begin to imagine.  In the end God says, “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?  Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me” (Job 38:2-3 NIV).  Then God proceeds to remind Job through a series of questions of just who He is.  He reminds Job of His power, His wisdom, His care of His creation, of His faithfulness, and His constancy. In the end, Job recognizes the sovereignty of God. He acknowledges God’s right to call all the shots. 

          Trust . . . are you willing to trust God? Are you willing to take the hard and difficult things of your life to God and place them in His hands? How easily we define God by how our circumstances look rather than look at the truth of who God is and seek to understand our circumstances from His perspective. 

          Are you willing to trust God with all of the stuff of your life – big and little, painful and easy? God doesn’t fix our lives until we place all the “stuff” that troubles us in His hands.

Jubilee List

A year ago, I faced one of those big birthdays, you know the ones that end in a zero. As the day grew closer and closer, I felt more and more distress. Then, through the influence of others, I made a choice to turn this year that I was dreading into one of celebration and trying new things. So, I made a list of 50 things that I would love to accomplish before my next birthday in 2015. I didn't finish all 50, but I did finish many of them.

1. I had red cake for my birthday.
2. I opened an IRA.
3. I launched a coaching practice.

4. I visited a butterfly garden . . . with my dear friend Anne.
5. I went to Friendly's with my Mom.
6. I met my dear friend Valerie at Cracker Barrel to catch up after too many years apart.

7. I received a book of memories and kind words of affirmation.
8. I had a steak dinner at Texas Roadhouse.
9. I completed a scrapbook of spiritual lessons I had learned over the last 10-ish years.
10. I had a free birthday meal at Denny's with my Mom.
11. I got a kinda smart phone (although it's turned out to not to be as smart as I thought it was :)

12. I found shoestring licorice (Not easy to find, but I found some at Yankee Candle Headquarters).

13. Saw the ocean also with my dear friend Anne.

14. I finished crocheting a purple baby blanket.
15. I went to Applebee's with my sister Karen. (Although we see each other often, it's rare for us to do something fun, just the two of us.)
16. Met my sister Lucy at my Mom's house for a visit.
17. Completed the Christian Coaching 201 course.
18. Watched the Gilmore Girls series from start to finish.
19. Completed a Grief Coaching course.
20. Had a Bones season 8 marathon with my twin nieces.
21. Replenished my supply of purple ink pens. (Not easy to find.)
22. Made apple towels for my kitchen.
23. Made patriotic towels for my kitchen.

24. Had a picnic and rode a carousel with 5 of my nieces.
25. Read the Kathy Reichs "Temperance Brennan" series through the last completed book (#17)
26. I learned to make a ripple afghan - baby sized.

27. I crocheted a brown and tan afghan for myself that I had wanted to make for years.
28. Had a Christmas party with some of my nieces.
29. Gave my wardrobe a style makeover.
30. I wrote an e-book. Now it needs to be edited and published.
31. I made a pot roast meal.

32. I learned to make spiral scarves.
33. Worked on my "Sometimes When I am Down" scrapbook.

The remaining items on my list, will be rolled over to this year, because they are still things I want to do. There are family members that I wanted to spend time with, do something fun with and didn't get to. There are changes I want to make, books I want to read, and projects to be completed that I still want to complete.

Even though I didn't finish all 50 items on my list, I am happy for the 33 I did accomplish, for the new experiences, for skills learned, for people I spent time with. My Jubilee List helped to add some spice and pizzazz to what had the potential to be a depressing year.

Onward and forward to finishing my last 17 items on this list, plus some others that I want to add on for the coming year.

What fun new thing(s) have you tried in the last year?

Yeah, Though I Walk - Making Meaning - Helping

In the summer of 2012 “Making Meaning” became deeply personal. My church—where I worked and the center of my spiritual and social life—went through a spiritual and relational 8.0 earthquake. As I went to work each day, I encountered the emotional, spiritual, and relational debris of broken relationships, betrayal, heartache, and anger. I not only wanted to find some good, some purpose in the loss of my closest friends and the flaying of my church, I NEEDED to find good and purpose. I needed a reason to go on.

I wanted to be a part of the solution, part of healing the damage done. I wanted to do what I could to prevent it from ever happening again. My life changed that summer in a way that it will never change back and I wanted and needed that change to be good, to have purpose, to help someone else, at least in the end.

Below are some stories of others who have chosen to make helping others a part of finding a path through their grief.

Brian Sager lost his teen daughter as the result of her deep depression. He has helped others by sharing the lessons he learned in a blog post. To read Brian’s story, click here.

Thomas Gray lived only six days. His parents made the courageous decision to donate his body for transplants and research. Click here to read the story of the difference Thomas made in the lives of others.

The Maria Fareri Children’s Hospital is a family centered hospital for children in Westchester, NY. To read about Maria and her family’s legacy, click here.

Rachel Joy Scott was a victim of the Columbine shootings in 1999. Her father speaks in schools and to youth challenging them to “start a chain reaction”—Rachel’s mission. To hear about it, click here.

Inheritance of Hope was founded by a young family whose mother received a terminal diagnosis. The foundation was set up to help other young families facing the loss of a parent. To hear their story, click here.

The Compassionate Friends provides support to families who have lost a child. Families can get involved to receive support or to help provide support to others.  To read more about this organization, click here.

  

Helping others manifests itself in many ways.  Here are just a few more ideas to help make meaning and purpose from the loss of a loved one by helping others:

• Establishing a scholarship to help a student headed into a similar field in which a loved one participated.
• Establishing or donating to a fund to help end a disease the loved one suffered with.
• MADD (Mother’s Against Drunk Driving)
• SADD (Student’s Against Drunk Driving)
• Donating a loved one’s body for research or organ transplants.
• Donating to a cause that was important to the loved one.
• Become involved in helping others who’ve suffered a similar loss.
• Participate in one of the many fundraising and awareness raising walks – cancer, MS, autism.
• Write a book, article, or blog post about your journey and the lessons learned.
• One woman created a workbook and workshop to teach people how to write letters of affirmation to their loved ones before it was too late.

What did I do to help others because of the summer of 2012?

I stayed when I wanted to leave. I stayed to help my church in its healing process. I took classes to become a coach, particularly a grief coach. I hope soon to begin a masters degree in counseling because I want to be both available and skilled in helping people walk through their grief and pain to find hope, healing, and well-being.

What suggestions would you offer? 

How can people make meaning out of profound loss?