Forty Days of Forgiveness

Forty Days of Forgiveness

Several years ago after I had been through an experience that left me deeply wounded, changed, and angry. I wanted to be able to let go of my anger and be able to interact with the people who had hurt me in a healthy, loving way. I knew that I needed to forgive and to heal. I committed to spend 40 days working through the issues I was facing.

I picked out a special journal in which to record my journey toward healing and forgiveness and divided it into four sections.

Section one included pages to ponder four different subjects that would help me see life in a healthier way. “Dreams” came first. I had stopped dreaming and I needed to see that the future held hope and promise. “Thanksgiving” came second. Taking time each day to list one thing for which I was thankful, would turn my thoughts away from what I considered to be unfair and painful, and remind me of the blessings God had given me. Because my experience had left me raw and feeling defeated, “compliments or accomplishments” was my third subject. I wanted to keep a list of positive things people had said about me or things that I had done that I felt good about. Lastly, I included “confident because . . . “ and listed reasons I had to feel confident. Here I focused on what the Bible has to say about who we are in Christ.

Section two included pages for each person, including myself, whom I needed to forgive. Each day I wrote the date under each person’s name, the offense for which I wanted to forgive them followed by a positive quality. I allowed myself to forgive the same offense more than once, because often the same issue reappeared time and again. However, I would not use the same positive quality more than once. This stretched my thinking, and helped to remind me that despite how I felt, each person had positive qualities and had been made in the image of God.

Section three contained pages for each day of my 40 day journey. I wrote the day and the number of the day of my journey (ie. January 1, 2006 – Day 1) at the top of the page. I prayed about topics God had led me to at the beginning of my journey. I poured out my heart to God and worked through my issues.

            In the final section, I left space to record things I learned and experienced during my journey. I wrote brief summary statements so that I could remember those things I wanted to incorporate into my life.

            This 40 day journey through prayer and processing brought about deep healing as I forgave myself and others and began to see the bigger picture of what God had for me.

How to Journal Your Way to Solutions

I love when life flows along smoothly and problems and difficulties fade away into the background. During those times, it's fun to sit back, relax and enjoy life. Unfortunately those times are rarely permanent and things come along that have to be fixed. The solution may be obvious - a spill that has to be cleaned up, a flat tire that has to be repaired, a diaper that needs to be changed. Some solutions are more complicated - an intermittently malfunctioning appliance, unexpected expenses without money in the budget to cover them, a strong-willed child getting into trouble. Then there are difficulties that are not only complicated, but finding a solution may feel overwhelming - caring for an aging parent, a family member facing a chronic or terminal illness, the loss of a job, a deeply damaged relationship, financial turmoil, a child whose poor choices have led them down a rocky path.

Simple solutions don't require a great deal of thinking, although implementing them may be frustrating and time-consuming, they are obvious. However, as the problems become more and more complicated and complex, finding solutions may require research, reflection, and experimentation. In "Finding Solutions" I discussed one methodical approach to finding a solution. Tonight, we'll think through how to use your journal to find solutions. 

Think Outside the Box. Use your journal to answer some reflective questions, ones that may help you to gain insight into solutions that may be in front of you or hidden in you that you have not yet recognized.

What is the outcome you desire? What does it take to get there? What steps can you take in the next week?

What does God say about the situation you're facing? (If you are not sure what God might have to say, you might use a concordance or a resource such as biblegateway.com to look up a key word that will help you find specific verses related to your challenge.)

In a perfect world what would the solution be? Are there parts of that solution that could apply or help in an imperfect world?

Are there people or resources that could help you find a solution to this challenge? Who are they? How could you contact them? (If it is someone who is no longer with you, what do you think they might say to you if you could talk to them?)

Draw Conclusions. Take a few minutes to review your answers to the questions. Then answer these two questions:

• What possible solutions have surfaced?
• What can you do to pursue them?

How Journaling Increases My Hope

Grandpa and Grandma

When I was a young child, we visited my mother's parents regularly. One of the things I remember about my grandmother is that she wrote in her diary every day until a stroke took away that ability. Since her death in 1986, I have treasured a box of her diaries. Her love for keeping a diary, built in me a love for keeping my own. I asked for a diary of my own for Christmas when I was only 11 years old. I was impatient however, so my very first diary was made of scrap paper and yarn.

A few of Grandma's Diaries

Over the years keeping a diary (a daily accounting of my activities) has morphed into keeping a journal (a record of my thoughts, feelings, doubts, and growth). Journaling has often renewed my soul and given me hope.

Journaling gives me hope . . .

1. by reminding me what God has done in my life. When I look back through the pages of my journals, I am reminded of things God has taught me, ways He has shaped my life, people He has brought across my path. I am reminded of verses that have spoken to me and times I have experienced Him in powerful ways. These fill me with hope that the God who never changes will continue to do His work in my life.

2. when I see prayers answered. Many times when I have reread prayers I have written in my journal, I have been surprised (even though I suppose I shouldn't be) at the very specific ways that God has worked in my life, in the lives of others, and in situations around me. This instills in me a confidence that God will continue His work.

3. when I work through to solutions for challenges I am facing. As I pray and meditate on God's Word, as I pour out my heart through pen and paper thinking through a challenge, nearly always I am led to a solution, to a path through whatever the challenge is. Finding the path through gives me hope.

4. when I am reminded of special times and words of encouragement. On those days when I get down, the only one celebrating at my own pity party, reminders of better days, of words of encouragement bring refreshment to my weary soul. These memories and words of encouragement become like diving into cool, clear water on a hot, dry day.

5. by helping me re-member myself when things feel like they are falling apart. In the midst of hard times, in the midst of loss and chaos, I start to lose my sense of self, to feel like I am falling apart. Reviewing my journals reminds me of who I am, who God has been shaping me to be. I walk away from them with a sense of hope that He can keep me together and with a confidence in my true identity.

Do you journal? How has journaling benefited you?

Journaling for Stress Management

Stress is our reaction to our circumstances and to difficulties we face. Sometimes stress is good - we feel the pressure of a deadline and the exuberance of a task accomplished on time. Sometimes stress is overwhelming when we are trying to color with too many crayons at once. When stress is negative or overwhelming, how can we manage it in healthy ways?

Journaling is one effective practice to manage stress. Pick up a journal--one you have or if you're new to journaling pick up a plain notebook or a special journal at the store, whatever suits your style. Or turn on your computer or tablet. However, you want to record your thoughts, grab your favorite format and begin.

1. Write it out. Find a quiet spot to sit and just write. Write about what is happening, how you feel, the problems you face, the solutions you need but don't have. Write. Let the words flow from your heart and head out through your fingertips until peace begins to fill your heart.

2. Pray it through. Take your concerns to God. Tell Him all that you're facing and seek His direction, His solutions for your need. You may want to also combine this with reading the Bible. Pay careful attention to the connections between what you pray and what you read. When you see connections, jot them down in your journal. 

3. Surrender it. Concern by concern surrender them to God, expressing your trust in Him to take your burdens and to work them out for you. Peter wrote, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:8 NIV).  And He is able to give you strength when you feel depleted and able to give you solutions when it seems none are on the horizon.

Journaling Prompt: 
In a prayer in your journal fill in the blanks:
Dear Father, today my plate is full with _________________ and I feel _________________. I surrender _________________ to You. 

Pausing to Reflect

A fairly well-known spiritual discipline is called the Examen. The Examen is a time to pause and reflect on the events of a specific period of time - what did we do right or wrong? where did God show up? what is God saying to us? Some call it the Daily Examen and recommend taking time each day, either at night to reflect on the day ending or in the morning to review the previous day.

Liking to think outside of the box a little, I decided to experiment with a Weekly Examen. I had picked up a unique journal that I liked, but for which I had no specific purpose when I purchased it. With the left hand page blank and the right hand page lined, it was unique in my collection of journals. I bought it, set it aside, and then as I was learning more about the rhythm of the Examen, I knew exactly how I wanted to use it.

Each Saturday (well, theoretically . . . confession time . . . I am not always as consistent as I'd like to be and sometimes I have to play catch up with this), I review the previous week. I read through my journal entries and remember the events of the week. I look for a theme or lessons that God is bringing into focus. When I have determined a theme for the previous week, I draw a picture or write decorative words on the left hand page to depict that theme. Then, I write my reflections about the week on the right hand page.

I have found this to be a fun and enlightening exercise that helps me to stay aware of what God is teaching me, where I am struggling, and what I am dreaming about. Below are three examples of pages from 2013.

My theme for 2013 was "Emerging" and this page depicted a particular phase in that process. I realized that I was responsible to speak truth, to be proactive about approaching issues, from that emerged a sense of empowerment, confidence and freedom.

At another point in the year, I was pondering the different ways that we minister to others. As I thought about the ways we help others, I realized that Jesus used a wide variety of tools. The key was that He had discernment and knew exactly which tool to use at just the right time.

At the end of the year, I combined my Weekly Examen with a Yearly Examen and symbolized the idea of Emerging throughout 2013 including the specific things that had shifted.


As a person who enjoys both writing and visualizing concepts, I have found this to be a fun way to review the weeks of my life. Nonetheless, how you do the Examen is not as important as doing the Examen. Some people have a specific list of questions they review. Some write about it in their journal. Some talk it out with another person. There are a variety of ways to do the Examen and a variety of intervals at which to do it. I encourage you to experiment a little, give it a try.

Be on the lookout for what God is doing in your life.

How do you keep a check on what God is saying to you?

on how you're living your life?

Solitude

This month I am writing about spiritual rhythms in our lives, activities that when done consistently over time create a space for us to grow in our relationship to Christ and to grow as spiritual people.

Solitude is one of my favorite rhythms. I find that I need as Ruth Haley Barton says in her book Sacred Rhythms, "rhythms of solitude, community, and ministry." I need those times to be alone to hear myself and God. I need those times of community when I am with others sharing life together. And, I need those times of ministry when I am focused on serving the God I love. When these three things are in balance, I experience greater fulfillment, growth, and peace.

Solitude is a place to know and experience God in our deepest being and to connect with our own souls. Our souls are often timid, unwilling to come out in places that are dangerous or overly loud and busy, yet in the quiet of solitude they may peek out of their hiding place and even appear when it is safe. When we are able to unplug and disconnect from our world of technology, social media, and overly busy schedules, we can hear our souls. An old-fashioned saying comes to mind, "We can hear ourselves think."

Often we are tired at a soul level from all the striving and busyness of life. This is when we most need to pause in solitude and keep still to hear from God. Rather than striving to make things happen ourselves, we need to wait on God to do His thing and to make things happen.

Journaling, having a quiet time, and my solo days are the mechanisms I use to choose regular times of solitude. In these times of solitude, I am able to look inward and upward in a way that refreshes my soul and in God's loving presence see what is hidden deep in my soul. Often in these times of solitude I hear God, find healing, or return to a place of peace rather than chaos.

Finding solitude is not always easy in our busy lives with work, family, and other obligations. 

How do you find times for solitude in your life?

Five Minute Friday - Write

Lisa Jo Baker started a gathering a few years ago and challenged others to write for 5 minutes each Friday on one specific topic. The idea is to write . . . just write unscripted and unedited for 5 minutes and then link up with others over at her site.  Today's prompt is "WRITE"

Ready? Set? Write . . .

freedigitalphotos.net

I have loved to write since I was a small girl. I purchased an ancient typewriter as a pre-teen and would crank out the "Violet Hill Newspaper" filled with fictional stories of things that happened on Violet Hill. As I grew older, I wrote letters, in my diary, even a couple of novellas when I was in high school.

My favorite place to write has become my journal, a place where I can process life in God's presence and with His guidance. My journals are also where I engage in many of the spiritual disciplines that help me to build my relationship with God through Christ.

Not only do I enjoy the act of creating something with words, putting words together to form sentences that create pictures and express ideas, I also love the physical act of forming the words with pen on paper. There is something precious in the old-fashioned act of physically writing the words on paper, of seeing a person's individual handwriting.

Stop!

Day 20: What to Do with Emotions?

Emotions have always been a big part of my life, but I have not always known how to handle them well . . . and to this day, I, at times, struggle to control them.

In April of 2002 I began a journey to understand and manage my emotions. I wanted to find the balance between acting on truth rather than emotion while at the same time acknowledging that emotions are real, valid, and valuable.

From a letter on April 16, 2002:

I realized the other day that emotions are a huge distraction for me. I think emotions cause me to become unfocused more than any other one thing. I respond out of what I FEEL. 

I'm realizing that I've tried two extremes - denying my emotions or giving them too much control. I'm beginning to try to learn to do neither. I'm trying to learn to acknowledge their validity, identify them, and then express them positively.

I have emotions and at times they are overwhelming and seem bigger than I can handle. Sometimes, especially when they are overwhelming, I just don't know what to do with them.

I'm discovering that the first step is to identify them - to just say, "I feel angry," "I feel sad," "I feel ________" and be specific instead of saying I'm upset or overwhelmed or blue, rather to give the emotion a specific, descriptive name.

As I continued to process how to manage my emotions, I began a practice that was helpful to me. Not only did I need to identify what the emotion was, but I needed to discover why I felt that way. We have emotions so that we know what is going on in our inner being. Sensations of pain or pleasure tell us what is happening to our body. Emotions reveal whether our inner being is in a good or bad place. The practice I began was to write out a simple statement: "I FEEL _______________ BECAUSE _____________."

"I FEEL sad BECAUSE one of my students is leaving the school."

"I FEEL disappointed BECAUSE the plans I made fell through."

"I FEEL angry BECAUSE someone disrespected me."

"I FEEL hurt BECAUSE someone was rude to me."

As I began to identify not only how I felt, but also why I felt that way, I could move on to the next question. "What are my emotions telling me? What do I need to do to handle this?"

If I was hurt, sometimes a good cry or a venting session helped, at other times a conversation with the person who hurt me was necessary. If I felt sad, sometimes watching a sad movie and having a good cry or distracting myself with something funny helped. If I felt disappointed, finding something to do that I enjoyed might help.

As I practiced this exercise over and over, I became more aware of what I was feeling and why. Eventually I stopped writing it out and was able to identify it in my head and also much more quickly create a strategy to deal with difficult emotions. Over time, I gained the ability to manage my emotions and to use them to practice healthy self-care.

The most recent stage of understanding emotions has been that they can help me discern what God is directing me to do. The things I am excited about, the things I dread. The things I have peace about, the things that cause me to be unsettled. The things that bring joy or the things that bring discouragement. As I pay attention to what my inner being is telling me through my emotions, I begin to hear the heart of God as He speaks to me too.

What tips can you offer for managing one's emotions?

Picture Source: all faces from Microsoft Clip Art

I Met a Man

Today I met a man who changed my life.

For twelve years, I have visited physician after physician. I believe I have seen every physician in this whole district and no one could help me . . . no one! My money is nearly all spent and I am considered unclean. All I touch is unclean. I am even restricted in where I can go, who I can touch, and how I interact with my family and friends. I have lived this way for twelve years and I was desperate for help, desperate for healing.

I have heard of a new teacher, a new rabbi who travels around Galilee and heals people. I was so desperate! I heard he was near my village so I went to where he was, hoping he might help me. I thought surely if I could only touch his robe . . . he is so powerful . . . just touching his robe would be enough.

The crowd was thick around him, like a flock of sheep gathering around a feeding trough. People were pressing close to him and jostling him on every side. How could I get close enough to merely touch the edge of his robe? I pushed my way through the crowd, getting more than a few angry looks, but I didn't care. I NEEDED to touch his robe. I had tried everything else and I needed this man to heal me . . . so very desperate.

At last I was close to him, just a couple of people stood between us. So close. I pushed ahead, heedless of the people in my path, and I reached out and I made it. I touched his robe, only the fringe, but it was enough. As soon as I felt the soft tickle of the fringe on my fingertips, I felt his healing power flow through me. I felt the blood stop flowing. Never for an instant did I mean to interrupt him. After all he was hurrying to an emergency. A young girl had died and he was on his way to help. I touched him so lightly, the fringe, only the fringe and from the back. I thought he would not know. But he did know.

He stopped. He asked who touched him. His disciples made fun of him a little because so many people were jostling him from every side, but he insisted and then he looked straight at me. I knew that he knew I was the one, so I admitted I had touched him. He looked me in the eye with such love and compassion as I have never seen before and said, "Take heart, daughter, your faith has made you well."

I met Jesus today and my life has been changed.

_____________________________________

Recently I have been preparing for a workshop that I will be teaching at my church's annual women's conference and I have been experimenting with different types of journaling as well as different ways of studying the Bible. This post is the outcome of one of those experiments and is based on the story of "The Woman with an Issue of Blood" found in Matthew 9 and Luke 8.

I would love to hear about your journaling experiences and/or things you do to keep your Bible study times fresh.