New Beginnings: #3 Are You Wearing Your Oxygen Mask?

Awhile back I saw a couple of clips of flight attendants who delivered the airplane safety instructions like stand up comediennes. Unfortunately, I've never had the privilege of flying with one of them. I've only been treated to the traditional safety film and accompanying flight attendant demo. Can you keep a secret? I thought they were a little boring and even useless. I mean, if your plane is hurtling toward the earth from 25,000 feet how much difference are any of these safety features really going to make?

Then one day I had a bit of an attitude adjustment. Still no comedian flight attendant, but I was traveling with a six year old family friend. Although her father was also traveling with the group, I knew he was a bit like the absent-minded professor and so I was prepared to give her a little extra attention. 

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As her little six year old self sat next to me on the plane and the safety film began, I paid careful attention. They asked who should get the oxygen mask first you or a child with you. Heroically, I replied firmly in my head, "the little girl!" Then they proceeded to show me why that was the absolute wrong answer. And it made sense, not only on the plane, but in life.

If I tried to put on the child's mask first, and encountered trouble, I would soon run out of oxygen, become unconscious, and be unable to help her. If I put on my own mask first, I would have a fresh supply of air that would allow me to remain conscious and clear thinking, able to help her overcome any challenges we might encounter putting on her mask. 

This is also true in day to day life. When we become busy, stressed, overwhelmed, our energy can be rapidly depleted leaving us without the resources to cope with life's difficulties and to love well those around us. Self-care is an important aspect of good health -- emotional, physical, and spiritual health. In times of high stress, times of change, or times of additional responsibility, adequate self-care can become more difficult.

Identify What You Need

We all need adequate sleep, healthy food, plenty of water, and exercise for physical self-care. Those are critical parts of caring for ourselves, and often the first to be sacrificed. Yet, we are more than physical beings and caring for ourselves emotionally and spiritually is also important.

What refills your emotional tank? What allows you to de-stress and regain the ability to meet high emotional demands with emotional fortitude? For me, as an introvert, time alone, time to think, time to process what is happening all refill my emotional tank. Time alone carefully balanced with time with good friends and loved ones keeps my emotional tank at optimum levels. What refreshes you? What fills you with positive emotional energy?

What about spiritually? For me, journaling, prayer, Bible study, and fellowship help me to maintain spiritual well being. What renews your spirit and your connection with God?

Make Space in Your Life for Self-Care
1. Identify what you need.

2. Brainstorm ways that you can incorporate those things that refresh you into your schedule.

3. Take steps, even small ones, to begin to create spaces and times that minister to your body, soul, and heart.

4. Put on your oxygen mask so that you have the strength to do all God has called you to do.

What have you done to make self-care a part of your life?

Or

What is the hardest part of finding time to care for yourself?

Day 30: 31 Days Wrap-up

Dear Reader Friends,
Thank you for joining me on this 31 Day trek through my personal Pivot Points. I have enjoyed your visits and comments through this journey.

For me this has been an excursion through my past, through experiences, lessons, moments of sorrow, and of joy. Over the course of my life, each of these have changed who I am, each have been a step in the journey of transformation. The exciting thing is that the adventure continues. God persists with great patience and love to sand off my rough edges (though, I must confess, sometimes that hurts) and to shape and mold me into what He desires me to be.

I'd like to close this series with a key element of transformation - a renewed mind (changed thinking) through the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

The beginning each step of transformation in my life, has been a change in thinking. God has brought me to a place where I have changed what I think about God, how I think, my value, my boundaries, authenticity, grief, relationships, and emotions.

1. What I think about God. I have learned to trust that God is good. His moral character is pure, righteous, holy. There is nothing in Him that is evil or bad and He cannot do anything that is evil, bad, or wrong. If He were even a tiny bit evil, He would not be trustworthy. However, I can trust a God who is good, even when I don't understand.

2. What I think about how I think. Lies must be replaced with truth, if I am to be able to steer a correct course. What I believe affects what I feel and how I act. Even a slight error in thinking can lead me off-course. Additionally, perspectives are as varied as the people who hold them, but God's perspective is true and right in the whirling cacophony of public opinion. The thoughts I allow to occupy my mind and the perspective I approach them with are equally important.

3. What I think about my value. I am loved . . . even when I don't FEEL it. I am created in God's image and that gives me and every human being inherent value. Knowing that I am a valuable person helps me to approach others with confidence and also with love. Knowing that I am valuable also empowers me to serve God as He made me and not try to be someone else.

4. What I think about my boundaries. Boundaries are important to defining who I am and to maintaining healthy self care. Good boundaries allow me to engage in healthy, satisfying relationships without losing myself in the process.

5. What I think about authenticity. Authenticity doesn't mean that I have to spill my yuck all over others. It means I guard my heart to keep it pure as "the wellspring of life". If my heart is what it should be, my actions will follow.

6. What I think about grief. Grief comes into all of our lives, it is unavoidable. It is painful . . . hard . . . and difficult! But, there is a path through grief and a path that can lead to hope, health, and fullness of life once more. Finding meaning in life again is possible.

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7. What I think about relationships. Relationships are given by God and they are very important to our well-being. The one thing in all of creation that God declared "not good" was Adam's aloneness. We have been designed to live in relationship, yet many times those relationships become unhealthy and damaging. They don't have to stay that way. We don't have to stay in unhealthy relationships and we can learn how to connect with people in fulfilling and healthy ways.

8. What I think about emotions. Emotions are wonderful - they let us know we are alive. Emotions are confusing and sometimes overwhelming. Emotions tell us what is happening in our inner being. Our emotions can be managed and channeled to help us live more fully, to discern our inner spiritual health, and to connect more fully with God.

Over and over God has changed how I think - through experiences; through conversations with people; through great books; through prayer, Scripture and the Holy Spirit. Each change in my thinking has led to a change in how I approach life. The thinking changed, the feelings changed, and eventually the actions changed.

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In the coming days, I hope to expand on these themes and I invite you to join me in this exciting, ongoing adventure of transformation.

What have been keys to transformation in your life? 

Day 20: What to Do with Emotions?

Emotions have always been a big part of my life, but I have not always known how to handle them well . . . and to this day, I, at times, struggle to control them.

In April of 2002 I began a journey to understand and manage my emotions. I wanted to find the balance between acting on truth rather than emotion while at the same time acknowledging that emotions are real, valid, and valuable.

From a letter on April 16, 2002:

I realized the other day that emotions are a huge distraction for me. I think emotions cause me to become unfocused more than any other one thing. I respond out of what I FEEL. 

I'm realizing that I've tried two extremes - denying my emotions or giving them too much control. I'm beginning to try to learn to do neither. I'm trying to learn to acknowledge their validity, identify them, and then express them positively.

I have emotions and at times they are overwhelming and seem bigger than I can handle. Sometimes, especially when they are overwhelming, I just don't know what to do with them.

I'm discovering that the first step is to identify them - to just say, "I feel angry," "I feel sad," "I feel ________" and be specific instead of saying I'm upset or overwhelmed or blue, rather to give the emotion a specific, descriptive name.

As I continued to process how to manage my emotions, I began a practice that was helpful to me. Not only did I need to identify what the emotion was, but I needed to discover why I felt that way. We have emotions so that we know what is going on in our inner being. Sensations of pain or pleasure tell us what is happening to our body. Emotions reveal whether our inner being is in a good or bad place. The practice I began was to write out a simple statement: "I FEEL _______________ BECAUSE _____________."

"I FEEL sad BECAUSE one of my students is leaving the school."

"I FEEL disappointed BECAUSE the plans I made fell through."

"I FEEL angry BECAUSE someone disrespected me."

"I FEEL hurt BECAUSE someone was rude to me."

As I began to identify not only how I felt, but also why I felt that way, I could move on to the next question. "What are my emotions telling me? What do I need to do to handle this?"

If I was hurt, sometimes a good cry or a venting session helped, at other times a conversation with the person who hurt me was necessary. If I felt sad, sometimes watching a sad movie and having a good cry or distracting myself with something funny helped. If I felt disappointed, finding something to do that I enjoyed might help.

As I practiced this exercise over and over, I became more aware of what I was feeling and why. Eventually I stopped writing it out and was able to identify it in my head and also much more quickly create a strategy to deal with difficult emotions. Over time, I gained the ability to manage my emotions and to use them to practice healthy self-care.

The most recent stage of understanding emotions has been that they can help me discern what God is directing me to do. The things I am excited about, the things I dread. The things I have peace about, the things that cause me to be unsettled. The things that bring joy or the things that bring discouragement. As I pay attention to what my inner being is telling me through my emotions, I begin to hear the heart of God as He speaks to me too.

What tips can you offer for managing one's emotions?

Picture Source: all faces from Microsoft Clip Art