Forty Days of Forgiveness

Forty Days of Forgiveness

Several years ago after I had been through an experience that left me deeply wounded, changed, and angry. I wanted to be able to let go of my anger and be able to interact with the people who had hurt me in a healthy, loving way. I knew that I needed to forgive and to heal. I committed to spend 40 days working through the issues I was facing.

I picked out a special journal in which to record my journey toward healing and forgiveness and divided it into four sections.

Section one included pages to ponder four different subjects that would help me see life in a healthier way. “Dreams” came first. I had stopped dreaming and I needed to see that the future held hope and promise. “Thanksgiving” came second. Taking time each day to list one thing for which I was thankful, would turn my thoughts away from what I considered to be unfair and painful, and remind me of the blessings God had given me. Because my experience had left me raw and feeling defeated, “compliments or accomplishments” was my third subject. I wanted to keep a list of positive things people had said about me or things that I had done that I felt good about. Lastly, I included “confident because . . . “ and listed reasons I had to feel confident. Here I focused on what the Bible has to say about who we are in Christ.

Section two included pages for each person, including myself, whom I needed to forgive. Each day I wrote the date under each person’s name, the offense for which I wanted to forgive them followed by a positive quality. I allowed myself to forgive the same offense more than once, because often the same issue reappeared time and again. However, I would not use the same positive quality more than once. This stretched my thinking, and helped to remind me that despite how I felt, each person had positive qualities and had been made in the image of God.

Section three contained pages for each day of my 40 day journey. I wrote the day and the number of the day of my journey (ie. January 1, 2006 – Day 1) at the top of the page. I prayed about topics God had led me to at the beginning of my journey. I poured out my heart to God and worked through my issues.

            In the final section, I left space to record things I learned and experienced during my journey. I wrote brief summary statements so that I could remember those things I wanted to incorporate into my life.

            This 40 day journey through prayer and processing brought about deep healing as I forgave myself and others and began to see the bigger picture of what God had for me.

Finding Solutions

In a recent blog post, I spoke about finding solutions instead of getting stuck in a negativity pit. Yet, finding solutions is not always easy. Difficulties and challenges can be complex and hard to unravel, making it tricky to find not only a solution, but one that works.

Over the course of the last few years as my Mom has battled Alzheimer’s Disease (AD) we have faced challenges and had to seek solutions. Doing so took perseverance and in some cases courage to step outside what was comfortable to find solutions that would work. (One little side note. Many things have come one step at a time, finding one solution for an issue at one point in the disease and then later repeating the process to find another for issues that developed further on.) Here are some of the things that helped us as a family to find solutions that worked.

Prayer. Several of my siblings and I made it a matter of diligent prayer. We talked with God about our situation, told Him our needs, and asked Him to come through with a solution. He has been faithful to bring solutions each time.

Gather Information. We gathered information from a variety of sources. We used the internet and Googled for suggestions. We contacted The Office for the Aging and then followed up with other agencies they recommended. We talked with people – friends, people with experience in the field, doctors, and counselors. Really, we talked with anyone who we thought might have insights that would help us. We also read articles and books. Through all this we sought God’s guidance from Scripture and godly men and women who could provide counsel.

Brainstorm. As a family we talked, looking at the current needs and issues and discussing possible solutions. As a teacher, I would tell my students to list all the solutions they could think of, even those that seemed impossible or impractical. Sometimes the ones that seem impossible are the ones that actually spark another idea that is not only possible, but a good solution. While in our situation it was largely a group activity, it is certainly something that can be done by one person on their own as well.

Evaluate. As we looked at our potential solutions, we also evaluated them to determine which ones were realistic. This helped us to weed out the ones that really weren’t workable and to find those that were. As we talked and evaluated sometimes a whole new solution arose that was better than the individual ones we had started with. Again, this does not require a group, only some time and thinking.  

Decide and Pursue. Lastly, once we had narrowed down the possible solutions to those that were realistic, we decided which ones to pursue first, often with some sense of priority. Then we set about to pursue the solution, doing what was needed to put it in place, tweaking as we went.

Sometimes our initial solution worked, sometimes, we had to look for others. A key factor through the whole process was prayer. Along with prayer was a willingness to pursue different solutions until we found the one that worked best.

This is one group of ideas, but there are other ways to find a solution.

What has helped you to find solutions to challenges you’ve faced?

How Journaling Increases My Hope

Grandpa and Grandma

When I was a young child, we visited my mother's parents regularly. One of the things I remember about my grandmother is that she wrote in her diary every day until a stroke took away that ability. Since her death in 1986, I have treasured a box of her diaries. Her love for keeping a diary, built in me a love for keeping my own. I asked for a diary of my own for Christmas when I was only 11 years old. I was impatient however, so my very first diary was made of scrap paper and yarn.

A few of Grandma's Diaries

Over the years keeping a diary (a daily accounting of my activities) has morphed into keeping a journal (a record of my thoughts, feelings, doubts, and growth). Journaling has often renewed my soul and given me hope.

Journaling gives me hope . . .

1. by reminding me what God has done in my life. When I look back through the pages of my journals, I am reminded of things God has taught me, ways He has shaped my life, people He has brought across my path. I am reminded of verses that have spoken to me and times I have experienced Him in powerful ways. These fill me with hope that the God who never changes will continue to do His work in my life.

2. when I see prayers answered. Many times when I have reread prayers I have written in my journal, I have been surprised (even though I suppose I shouldn't be) at the very specific ways that God has worked in my life, in the lives of others, and in situations around me. This instills in me a confidence that God will continue His work.

3. when I work through to solutions for challenges I am facing. As I pray and meditate on God's Word, as I pour out my heart through pen and paper thinking through a challenge, nearly always I am led to a solution, to a path through whatever the challenge is. Finding the path through gives me hope.

4. when I am reminded of special times and words of encouragement. On those days when I get down, the only one celebrating at my own pity party, reminders of better days, of words of encouragement bring refreshment to my weary soul. These memories and words of encouragement become like diving into cool, clear water on a hot, dry day.

5. by helping me re-member myself when things feel like they are falling apart. In the midst of hard times, in the midst of loss and chaos, I start to lose my sense of self, to feel like I am falling apart. Reviewing my journals reminds me of who I am, who God has been shaping me to be. I walk away from them with a sense of hope that He can keep me together and with a confidence in my true identity.

Do you journal? How has journaling benefited you?

Journaling for Stress Management

Stress is our reaction to our circumstances and to difficulties we face. Sometimes stress is good - we feel the pressure of a deadline and the exuberance of a task accomplished on time. Sometimes stress is overwhelming when we are trying to color with too many crayons at once. When stress is negative or overwhelming, how can we manage it in healthy ways?

Journaling is one effective practice to manage stress. Pick up a journal--one you have or if you're new to journaling pick up a plain notebook or a special journal at the store, whatever suits your style. Or turn on your computer or tablet. However, you want to record your thoughts, grab your favorite format and begin.

1. Write it out. Find a quiet spot to sit and just write. Write about what is happening, how you feel, the problems you face, the solutions you need but don't have. Write. Let the words flow from your heart and head out through your fingertips until peace begins to fill your heart.

2. Pray it through. Take your concerns to God. Tell Him all that you're facing and seek His direction, His solutions for your need. You may want to also combine this with reading the Bible. Pay careful attention to the connections between what you pray and what you read. When you see connections, jot them down in your journal. 

3. Surrender it. Concern by concern surrender them to God, expressing your trust in Him to take your burdens and to work them out for you. Peter wrote, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:8 NIV).  And He is able to give you strength when you feel depleted and able to give you solutions when it seems none are on the horizon.

Journaling Prompt: 
In a prayer in your journal fill in the blanks:
Dear Father, today my plate is full with _________________ and I feel _________________. I surrender _________________ to You. 

Time to Catch Up

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Dear Readers,
Hi there! Well, it's been five months today since I last posted and many things have changed. In the coming weeks, I'll reflect on the deeper meaning of some of those changes, but tonight I'll catch you up on the big stuff.

Over the last several years as a family we've watched my mother's confusion grow and her ability to live on her own and care for herself diminish. Gradually, step by step, we've put measures into place to ensure her safety and well-being. Last year it became apparent that something more was needed. My sister, her primary caregiver, was burning out. I was traveling regularly to relieve her and to care for my mom and I was getting burned out. Something had to change if we were to sustain her well-being as well as our own.

After a great deal of prayer (my own as well as from family and friends), I accepted a new job which would allow me to move in with my mom and become one of three primary caregivers. I started my new position on October 5th and moved my belongings into my mom's house on October 10th. From the time I accepted the position in mid September until a couple of weeks ago when the holiday season came to a close, I felt as if I was living in a rapidly spinning whirlwind trying to make it from one day to the next. Now, four months into this life-turned-upside-down mode, I am beginning to establish new rhythms from day to day and week to week.

I have missed you, my readers. I have thought of you and longed for space to write again. As we forge ahead into 2016, I look forward to exploring some of the great themes of life: change, endings, grief, identity, ministry, pursuing dreams, and grace.

Looking forward to walking through this year with you. May you have a blessed and healthy 2016!!!
Dar

What does "In Jesus' Name Amen" Mean?

"Hello!  You have reached the Smith’s.  We’re not home right now.  Please leave your name, number, and a brief message and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”  Beep.  “Hi, this is Karla.  I got your message.  I’d love to go to the movies this Friday.  Shall we meet there at say, 5:15.  Wanna do supper after?  Give me a call.  You know the number.  In Jesus’ name, amen.  
Ummm (long awkward pause) I mean, ummm.  Bye.”  

Jesus told His disciples, “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” (John 14:13-14 NIV) For many adding the words “In Jesus’ name I pray, amen” seems to be how we pray in Jesus’ name. Yet, for many, as the situation above so poignantly portrays, it has become a phrase that is attached to the end of our prayers that carries little meaning.  It almost seems to be a mantra that we spout without real thought our genuineness.

What does it mean to pray in Jesus’ name?  In recent years the phrase “What would Jesus do?” has been popularized, satirized, and by now often disregarded. Yet, the book from which it comes, In His Steps, raises a powerful question. If Jesus were here on earth, living in our world, working at our jobs, what would He do?  How would He handle things? I believe that this is the idea behind Jesus’ teaching in John 14:13-14. Although the name of Jesus is powerful, it is not a magic mantra to use to get God to give us our wish list. When we pray in Jesus’ name, we are embracing the God-man Jesus. We are embracing all He was and all He taught. John helps us to understand this in his first epistle when he says, “if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” (1 John 5:14b NIV)  Praying in Jesus’ name is about asking for the things that are consistent with Jesus and His teachings, which are consistent with His character. 

Praying in Jesus’ name is really about asking and answering the question, “What is God’s will in this situation? What does God want to accomplish?” and then aligning our prayers with the answer. Yet, that seems daunting. How can we know what God desires? Scripture gives us many clues regarding God’s will for His people. By searching Scripture, by praying Scripture, by listening daily for God’s direction in our lives, we become more tuned in to what God is doing generally which helps us to be open and receptive to what God is doing in specific situations. As we align our will with God’s, and begin to pray in His will, we also discover what it means to pray “in Jesus’ name.”

I would love to hear your thoughts about praying in Jesus' name. Things you've learned or questions you've had.

How would you explain "praying in Jesus' name" to someone new to prayer? 

Have you ever rotely used "in Jesus' name" in an awkward situation?

Remembering to Pray

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at freedigitalphotos.net. 

My day is filled with work, cleaning house, tending to people's needs and my time is full.  Then I read in 1 Thessalonians 5 to "pray continually" or as the King James Version says to "pray without ceasing" and I wonder how to obey that command.

I forget to pray sometimes. I want to pray for people I love, regarding hardships, asking for direction, and I want to obey Paul's instructions to us, but sometimes I just forget. Several years ago a woman in our community was diagnosed with very aggressive breast cancer and I committed to pray for her, but I was concerned I would forget. Then I remembered that I drive by her home every day on my way to work. I committed that each time I drove by her house I would pray for her. Her house has served as a reminder to pray, when I otherwise would have forgotten. Another friend asked me to pray for a specific situation, so I put a sticky note on my computer to remind me to pray for that situation. Then an ambulance passed by, and as I've made it a habit to do when I hear a siren, I prayed for all involved the rescue workers and those in trouble. Suddenly I realized that all of these things were reminders – simple little triggers that remind me throughout the day to pray for things that concern me and the ones I love. 

           

A few years ago a friend taught me another means to help remember to pray for someone. When someone shares a prayer request with me, even if it's by e-mail or phone, I pause and pray with them at that moment. If it's by e-mail I write the prayer in the e-mail and send it back to them. I was drawn to this idea for two reasons. First, because I knew I wouldn't break my promise to pray by forgetting.  Second, because the person hears the prayer and hopefully they are comforted and encouraged by knowing and hearing the prayer lifted up on their behalf.

I wish I didn't forget. I wish that remembering to pray was always my first response, not just my sometimes first response. I find these little reminders help me to move closer to praying continually.  If, like me, you sometimes forget to pray for the things you want very much to remember to pray for, give these little reminders a try. You can use something you drive or walk by daily; a note on the 'frig, computer, or mirror; a sound; anything that triggers your mind and heart to go before God in prayer throughout the day can lead us to more and more consistently pray continually.

What has helped you to pray continually? 

How do you remember to pray for specific requests?

Geocaching and God's Will

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Have you ever gone geocaching? It's a treasure hunt using a gps. People hide an item, then enter its location into a website using gps coordinates. Other people search for it.

Determining God's will for our lives can feel a little like geocaching, like we're going on a treasure hunt. The hard part is, sometimes the coordinates aren't so clear and we're not sure how to find it.

I have wished that God would speak to me like He spoke to Moses or David or Job. I have also wished that he would write it in the sky or on a billboard or send someone to tell me clearly what I am to do. However God doesn't usually use these ways of communicating with us. Yet, God does want us to know His will and does make a way for us to do so.

How do we find the gps coordinates for God's will for our circumstances?

1. Genuine Desire - Cultivate a genuine desire to know what God wants us to do and a willingness to obey Him when we know. Part of the process of cultivation is to come to a place where we have surrendered our own will and desires and we only want what God wants.

2. Study the Bible - As we search for God's will, a good place to begin is searching Scripture. The Bible reveals right and wrong, truth and lies, God's character, and man's character. As we come to understand these things, they serve as a filter. When we are faced with a difficult decision, we can ask which options are most closely aligned with what God has revealed He desires of us.

3. Pray - Prayer is a conversation with God in which we talk to Him and also listen for His response. What do we listen for? Thoughts He sends to our minds, a prompting of the Holy Spirit through words from the Bible, advice from people I trust that rings true, desires of the heart that surface. In that quiet place of prayer, what is God saying to you?

4. Wise Counsel - While the first people that come to mind might be a pastor or spiritual director, others may have much to offer as well. Skilled professionals may be able to offer advice based on their training and experience. Friends who have learned lessons in the School of Hard Knocks and have gained wisdom from their experiences may also offer wise counsel. Counsel from those who share a love for God is helpful, for they are more likely to understand the underlying desire in our search for an answer. However that does not prohibit God from using the expertise of non-believers to also direct us.

5. Desires, Dreams, Abilities and Gifts - God has created each of us uniquely with desires, dreams, abilities, and gifts. As we search for God's will, we want to pay attention to those longings and capabilities. God can use those to direct our path as well.

6. Consolation and Desolation - Consolation and Desolation are terms used by the spiritual fathers and mothers of Christianity. Consolation is an inner sense of life, peace, and rightness, of God's favor. Desolation is an inner sense of death, unease, that something is not right, that God's favor is not in this. One way to get a handle on these is to make a decision and sit with it. Pay attention to how you feel. Do you have a sense of consolation in your soul after you have made this decision? Do you have a sense of desolation? This is a powerful way that our souls communicate to us.

7. Circumstances - One of the most exciting aspects of finding God's will is seeing circumstances work together in an inexplicable way. We've prayed, we've listened, we've sought counsel, we're aware of what our soul is hearing from God, but nothing happens and we're waiting. Waiting. Then suddenly, circumstances start to come together in a way that goes beyond coincidence or human contriving and we know that God's hand is clearing the path He wants us to walk. And there is confidence that this is the path God has for us.

When have you known you had discovered God's will for you?

What confirmed to you or helped you know this was His will?

Five Minute Friday - Fill

Five Minute Friday is an opportunity to just write for 5 minutes - no editing, no over-thinking, no planning - and then gather with other bloggers to encourage and support one another's efforts. Join in over at Kate's site - Heading Home. Today's prompt is "Fill."

Ready . . . go . . .





Dear Lord,

Around me, so many are running low on fuel, their hearts and lives in turmoil . . .

The friend going through frivolous law suits at the hands of her ex . . .

The friend facing a life-changing diagnosis for her husband . . .

Friends and family who recently had children that will face challenges all of their lives

My brother just starting his fight with cancer and having unplanned and immediate surgery today . . .

A fellow congregant getting used to the new routine of dialysis . . .

They . . . we . . . are starting to run low on energy and hope, dear God.

Please fill us. Please fill us with hope, with peace, with YOURSELF, with strength to face what each day brings. I long for You and I know that You alone are the answer. Please fill us with trust . . . with child-like, fully abandoned trust that You will work all things together for good.

In Jesus' name. Amen.

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I'd love to hear what you do to refresh your soul and body when you're tired and running on empty. 

Prayer

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Continuing on with the theme of rhythms that draw us closer to God, I was thinking about prayer . . . about the simplicity of prayer.

In its most simple form, prayer is talking to God, the Lover of our souls.

Certainly studying the prayers of Scripture is helpful, learning what God has to say about prayer and delving into how the saints of both the Old and New Testaments prayed can enrich our prayer experience. Yet in some ways, I think these things are training wheels, meant to be taken off so that we can fly along unfettered on our bikes - the wind blowing in our face, a feeling of freedom.

I like to think of prayer as an opportunity to stop and talk to our Heavenly Father, our Papa, to climb up on His lap, to rest our heads on His chest while He wraps His strong arms around us and we spill the deepest parts of our heart and soul to Him. And He, He whispers in our ear, "Beloved, Beautiful, My Child" as He soothes and loves.

Sometimes our tiny fists pummel His chest as we plead for something we want. Sometimes tears flow as our hearts are grieved and broken. Sometimes we are celebrating some wonderful thing that has happened, some wonderful thing He has done. But the best times are those when we surrender and we just snuggle into His chest and we have a quiet conversation about our desires and His desires and we begin to see the path He has mapped out. We enter into His plan. We embrace it and we talk with Him about it - sometimes with great excitement, sometimes with fear and a pleading for faith, and sometimes with grief because the path ahead is painful. But, we are together. We are joined spirit to Spirit with the Lover of our souls and we are coming to know Him.

Prayer, in its most simple, and I think profound, form is talking to God, the Lover of our souls from a place of surrender and deep faith that God knows best. It is resting in His arms and entering into His will, joining Him in it, listening to His voice whisper in our ears and responding with love, surrender, and obedience.

What puzzles you about prayer?

When has prayer brought you closer to God?

I Am Grateful for . . . My Dakota

In November of 2007, I prayed a prayer asking God to bring me a cat. A few days later, I walked into youth group and one of our students excitedly told me that at the end of youth group her mother was bringing her new litter of kittens for all of us to see. Her cat had given birth to four kittens. She could not keep them and needed to find homes for them when they were ready to leave their mama.

Ummm . . . answer to prayer?

Four tiny kittens arrived at the end of youth group. One could fit in the palm of my small hand. One black and white kitten was in the litter. One mewling, helpless, tiny ball of black and white fur. I carefully picked him up and held him against my chest. He was quiet, content. I fell in love.

The last weekend in November, I drove to the student's house and picked up my little bundle of fur.

While I waited for him to be old enough to leave his mama, I searched for just the right name for him. I was going through a period of transition and I wanted his name to have meaning as well as fit him. My search led me to a word that in it's native language means "friend." I hoped he would be a dear companion to me in a season of change. I called him Dakota.

He has been with me six years now. He is full of personality and at times makes me laugh until I cry, at times cry out in pain when he displays his ninja skills, and at times he comforts me with his loving presence.

I am very grateful for my little friend Dakota.

How has an animal in your life given you cause to be grateful?