New Beginnings: #2 When Everything Seems Upside Down

When Everything Seems Upside Down

New Beginnings bring lots of changes. Positive. Exciting. Good. Yet, even the best of changes require us to adapt and navigate.

During that same time of crisis that I mentioned in "Who Are You?", I realized that feeling my life had turned upside down was more than just a feeling, it was reality. Nearly everything about my life had changed - job, schedule, meals, living arrangement, pet, dress code, sleep. My world had turned upside down. 

Still, I had chosen this path to be able to care for my Mom. I was convinced that this was God's leading and a gift I wanted to give to my Mom in this winter season of her life. So, how would I cope with all these changes? How would I navigate this uncharted territory?

Stand on Your Head

The first cross-stitch project I completed says, "When Everything Seems Upside Down, Stand on Your Head." Sometimes everything does seem upside down. How would I stand on my head?  

1. Trust God and His Purposes. God is always at work, even when I don't see it, even when I don't feel it. He is at work to draw us into relationship with Himself and to mold us to be like Christ. When I stand on my head, I want a firm foundation underneath me. God and His purposes are a trustworthy foundation.

2. Accept. Although I had underestimated the impact the changes would have, I needed to accept the reality of my new situation. Only by accepting the reality of what is could I begin to find real solutions to cope. I needed to put my head down on the floor and prepare to lift my feet toward the ceiling, trusting that I could see things correctly again, that I could navigate this uncharted course. 

3. Re-create. So what that everything was different? That's just an opportunity to be creative, to find new ways to do the things that were important. Example: Being involved in a community of believers was important to me, but attending church on Sunday mornings was a BIG challenge. With a little research and a little understanding of what would best meet that need, I found a Sunday School class that would fit into my new schedule and allow me to be involved in a community of spiritual sisters. 

4. Establish New Rhythms. In my old life, I had a quiet time each morning and set aside time to unwind daily and time to step back and rest deeply on the weekends. That rhythm was displaced in my new life. Yet, those rhythms were important to my emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. I am still experimenting with new ways to incorporate these essential rhythms into my new life. Thankfully, it's looking like Wednesday will be my new day of rest and I'm finding a new space and time for my daily quiet time. What rhythms do you find worth keeping? How do you re-establish them?

These are just a few ways to cope when life seems upside down. 

What suggestions would you offer to anyone navigating many changes at once?

New Beginnings: #1 Who Are You?

New Beginnings . . . those words speak of hope, life, starting over, second chances, something new and exciting on the horizon. Energizing. Hope-giving. Anticipation.

I expected the Necessary Endings of leaving a life I'd spent 18 years building and maintaining to be difficult, but I had great expectations for the New Beginnings. I knew that even New Beginnings come with challenges, but the anticipation of new opportunities was also energizing. My previous experiences with New Beginnings had left me with the expectation that the challenges were outweighed by the benefits.

Imagine my surprise, when about a month after my move, I reached a crisis point. I was exhausted and overwhelmed and my dreams and expectations seemed far from being realized . . . E.V.E.R. being realized. However the biggest impact and surprise was that I felt like somewhere, along with the things I couldn't find amidst the waiting-to-be-unpacked boxes, my identity had been lost in the move. Dear friends helped me see that it hadn't been lost, just misplaced for a time.

For 18 years I had been Dar - ministry leader, teacher, administrative assistant, journaler, and coach/counselor. Now I was Darlene, disconnected from church and ministry due to my new job, care-giving responsibilities, and schedule. I had become a Unit Secretary learning to function in a field where often even the words sounded like a foreign language. And, I had no time to journal, no space to find solitude or silence. So many of the things that made up who I am had been replaced by something foreign to who I am.

Thankfully, dear friends reminded me of who I am and helped me to begin to think about how to make sure my identity didn't get stuffed in a box to be unpacked later or donated to charity.

New Beginnings ARE a time of hope, anticipation, second changes, yet even the very best of new beginnings contain profound challenges and inherently involve change. Change impacts our identity. So how do we retain our identity in the midst of change, especially profound change? What do you do when you feel like you're losing yourself in the midst of a new season of life?

1. Remember and re-member. In the midst of unpacking, of adjusting to the new job, of meeting new people, of adjusting to a new spouse or baby, of starting a new ministry take time to remember who you are. Take time to remember your strengths, the contributions you have made in the past, the things that define you. Then take time to re-member yourself, to put yourself back together. Change pulls at us from different directions, making us feel like we're a rag doll caught between children in a tug of war. We're close to losing vital parts. When we remember who we are and then put ourselves back together we're rescued from the tug of war and able to retain our wholeness.

2. Maintain Connections. Maybe you've been blessed to have family that is part of your New Beginning, family who can help remind you of who you are. Yet, New Beginnings create stress for the whole family, so take time to stay connected as a family. Maybe you've left behind dear friends who helped you stay the course in the past. Keep in touch with them. Accept their reminders about the best that's in you or about what God has been doing in your life. Let them help you remember the best of who you are.

3. What Defines You? What are those things that if you don't do them or don't have them you're not yourself? What are those things that others would say, "As long as I've known you, you've _______"?For me, reflective silence, solitude, journaling, and ministry have defined me since I was a teen. Without them I don't feel like myself or feel able to cope well. With help from a listening friend, I was able to recognize the importance of prioritizing these things in my new situation. It may take creativity, cooperation from others in your life, and determination, but maintaining your identity is critical to your new beginnings. You are the only you the world has and if we lose you, we lose an important voice.

What have New Beginnings been like for you?

Did you ever feel like you were losing yourself? How did you cope? 

2014's Theme

Each year, for many years now, as New Year's approaches I pause to reflect on the year that has passed and to ask God what He wants me to focus on in the coming year. Although this holiday season was filled with an unrelenting busyness, I was still able to squeeze in this important tradition.

As I reflected on 2013, the title of an influential book popped up over and over . . . Necessary Endings. Early in 2013 I began reading this book by Dr. Henry Cloud. It helped me to process a series of unexpected and painful endings that had come my way, unbidden and unwanted, and beyond my control. This book helped me to find peace and to heal raw, wounded places.

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Many things in my life had ended. I learned that sometimes even good things in our lives have to be pruned away so that something new can grow. We grieve the losses and learn from them and then open our arms to embrace the new that is ahead.

So, although my theme for 2014 might seem cliche in some ways, for me it is more than a cliche. It is filled with anticipation as well as fear. "New Beginnings" a phrase often heard around New Year, a time for resolutions, for wiping the slate clean and starting over. I'm not making any resolutions (well, except to write 2014 instead of 2013) and I'm not trying to wipe out my past. No, I am embracing the past and seeking to expand my soul by learning from it, by being enriched by the wonder and joy of what has been (even what has been lost), by assimilating it into my outlook on life. Still, 2014 is a year of New Beginnings, a year to pursue a master's degree in counseling, a year to pursue God's call on my life in different ways, a year to maintain valued relationships while also building new ones.

2013 was about coming to peace with the past. 2014 is about moving forward to the new fruit that has space to grow where all that has been pruned once was.

Do you have a theme or word for the new year?

I would love for you to share it here, and, if you'd like, why you chose that word or theme.