Pausing to Reflect

A fairly well-known spiritual discipline is called the Examen. The Examen is a time to pause and reflect on the events of a specific period of time - what did we do right or wrong? where did God show up? what is God saying to us? Some call it the Daily Examen and recommend taking time each day, either at night to reflect on the day ending or in the morning to review the previous day.

Liking to think outside of the box a little, I decided to experiment with a Weekly Examen. I had picked up a unique journal that I liked, but for which I had no specific purpose when I purchased it. With the left hand page blank and the right hand page lined, it was unique in my collection of journals. I bought it, set it aside, and then as I was learning more about the rhythm of the Examen, I knew exactly how I wanted to use it.

Each Saturday (well, theoretically . . . confession time . . . I am not always as consistent as I'd like to be and sometimes I have to play catch up with this), I review the previous week. I read through my journal entries and remember the events of the week. I look for a theme or lessons that God is bringing into focus. When I have determined a theme for the previous week, I draw a picture or write decorative words on the left hand page to depict that theme. Then, I write my reflections about the week on the right hand page.

I have found this to be a fun and enlightening exercise that helps me to stay aware of what God is teaching me, where I am struggling, and what I am dreaming about. Below are three examples of pages from 2013.

My theme for 2013 was "Emerging" and this page depicted a particular phase in that process. I realized that I was responsible to speak truth, to be proactive about approaching issues, from that emerged a sense of empowerment, confidence and freedom.

At another point in the year, I was pondering the different ways that we minister to others. As I thought about the ways we help others, I realized that Jesus used a wide variety of tools. The key was that He had discernment and knew exactly which tool to use at just the right time.

At the end of the year, I combined my Weekly Examen with a Yearly Examen and symbolized the idea of Emerging throughout 2013 including the specific things that had shifted.


As a person who enjoys both writing and visualizing concepts, I have found this to be a fun way to review the weeks of my life. Nonetheless, how you do the Examen is not as important as doing the Examen. Some people have a specific list of questions they review. Some write about it in their journal. Some talk it out with another person. There are a variety of ways to do the Examen and a variety of intervals at which to do it. I encourage you to experiment a little, give it a try.

Be on the lookout for what God is doing in your life.

How do you keep a check on what God is saying to you?

on how you're living your life?

Prayer

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Continuing on with the theme of rhythms that draw us closer to God, I was thinking about prayer . . . about the simplicity of prayer.

In its most simple form, prayer is talking to God, the Lover of our souls.

Certainly studying the prayers of Scripture is helpful, learning what God has to say about prayer and delving into how the saints of both the Old and New Testaments prayed can enrich our prayer experience. Yet in some ways, I think these things are training wheels, meant to be taken off so that we can fly along unfettered on our bikes - the wind blowing in our face, a feeling of freedom.

I like to think of prayer as an opportunity to stop and talk to our Heavenly Father, our Papa, to climb up on His lap, to rest our heads on His chest while He wraps His strong arms around us and we spill the deepest parts of our heart and soul to Him. And He, He whispers in our ear, "Beloved, Beautiful, My Child" as He soothes and loves.

Sometimes our tiny fists pummel His chest as we plead for something we want. Sometimes tears flow as our hearts are grieved and broken. Sometimes we are celebrating some wonderful thing that has happened, some wonderful thing He has done. But the best times are those when we surrender and we just snuggle into His chest and we have a quiet conversation about our desires and His desires and we begin to see the path He has mapped out. We enter into His plan. We embrace it and we talk with Him about it - sometimes with great excitement, sometimes with fear and a pleading for faith, and sometimes with grief because the path ahead is painful. But, we are together. We are joined spirit to Spirit with the Lover of our souls and we are coming to know Him.

Prayer, in its most simple, and I think profound, form is talking to God, the Lover of our souls from a place of surrender and deep faith that God knows best. It is resting in His arms and entering into His will, joining Him in it, listening to His voice whisper in our ears and responding with love, surrender, and obedience.

What puzzles you about prayer?

When has prayer brought you closer to God?

Meditation

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Tonight I am thinking about meditation, specifically meditation on Scripture, as I approach the rhythms that create a space to draw closer to God. 

Many years ago I was challenged by Tim Hansel's book You Gotta Keep Dancin'. Tim tells his story of climbing a glacier, falling in a crevice, crushing several vertebrae in his back, miraculously hiking out, and subsequently living with intense, irreversible, chronic pain. He shares that he chose a verse of the Bible on which he would meditate - think about - until he found the music behind the words.

As a young woman, I decided to give this a try and found it to be very rewarding. I would pick a single verse that seemed to be particularly appropriate to something in my life and then I would ponder it, day after day for a pre-determined period of time. All the while listening for the music behind the words - the deeper meaning, what God was trying to say to me. For a few years I practiced this form of meditation regularly. Now, meditation is one way that I study the Bible in the mix of a variety of methods I use to keep my study fresh and alive.

Last year I meditated on Romans 12:2 for several days. I read it in various translations and then reflected on it in my journal. Here is an excerpt from one of those ponderings:

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world,

but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.

Then you will know what God wants you to do,

and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.

(NLT)

Transform = 1. To change markedly in form or appearance, 2. To change the nature, function, or condition of; convert or be converted.

Conform = 1. To make or become similar. 2. To act or be in agreement; comply. 3. To act in accordance with customs or rules.

Copy = 1. An imitation or reproduction of something original; duplicate.

God calls us to be different from the world around us. He calls us to conform not to the customs and behaviors of this world, but instead to take on the attitude of Christ and to live according to Kingdom principles. We are to be like Christ rather than the world around us.

What does that look like in practicality? The Amish separate themselves in the way they dress, their use of vehicles and electricity. Others avoid jewelry and celebrations. What does this look like for me? What does this look like for women I influence and teach, how do I explain this? Some avoid make-up or modern clothing . . . . I sense that this is more about the inner person that finds expression in outer behaviors than it is about following a rigid set of rules. 

How do you include meditating on Scripture into your daily life? 

What are some things you have learned meditating on the Bible?

Five Minute Friday: Willing

Buried somewhere in my cache of often forgotten cassette tapes is an album by Joni Eareckson Tada. Joni broke her neck in a diving accident in her late teens and from that moment until today she has been a quadriplegic. God has blessed her with a powerful ministry. Her story was gaining notoriety when I was in my teens and early twenties and I quickly became a fan. She published an album of herself singing songs. One of them, and the only one I truly remember, is called "I am Willing, Lord."

I can still hear her clear voice singing . . .

"Sometimes when I am down, Oh Lord,

And I don't feel like You're around, Oh Lord,

Feeling so sorry for me . . .

"I am willing, Lord.

I am willing, Lord, 

To be just exactly what You want me to be"

As a starry-eyed, romantic young girl I thought this was beautiful song, but I really had no idea what the crucible is like that forms us into what God wants us to be. I thought I was willing.

Now, as a mature woman, I have a much better idea of what that journey involves . . . the crucibles through which we grow, the pruning that must take place, the heartaches and the joys that ebb and flow. I find now that mostly the stars are gone from my eyes and reality has replaced romanticism, yet still I am willing, and even more than willing. I long to be exactly what God wants me to be. It is a sweet spot like no other.

If you'd like to hear Joni sing this song, click here.

Are you willing to allow God to form you into what He wants you to be? 

Where has that journey taken you and have you found it worthwhile?

Solitude

This month I am writing about spiritual rhythms in our lives, activities that when done consistently over time create a space for us to grow in our relationship to Christ and to grow as spiritual people.

Solitude is one of my favorite rhythms. I find that I need as Ruth Haley Barton says in her book Sacred Rhythms, "rhythms of solitude, community, and ministry." I need those times to be alone to hear myself and God. I need those times of community when I am with others sharing life together. And, I need those times of ministry when I am focused on serving the God I love. When these three things are in balance, I experience greater fulfillment, growth, and peace.

Solitude is a place to know and experience God in our deepest being and to connect with our own souls. Our souls are often timid, unwilling to come out in places that are dangerous or overly loud and busy, yet in the quiet of solitude they may peek out of their hiding place and even appear when it is safe. When we are able to unplug and disconnect from our world of technology, social media, and overly busy schedules, we can hear our souls. An old-fashioned saying comes to mind, "We can hear ourselves think."

Often we are tired at a soul level from all the striving and busyness of life. This is when we most need to pause in solitude and keep still to hear from God. Rather than striving to make things happen ourselves, we need to wait on God to do His thing and to make things happen.

Journaling, having a quiet time, and my solo days are the mechanisms I use to choose regular times of solitude. In these times of solitude, I am able to look inward and upward in a way that refreshes my soul and in God's loving presence see what is hidden deep in my soul. Often in these times of solitude I hear God, find healing, or return to a place of peace rather than chaos.

Finding solitude is not always easy in our busy lives with work, family, and other obligations. 

How do you find times for solitude in your life?

Five Minute Friday - Choose

I got home tonight and found the parking lot in front of my building filled with cars - overflow from the restaurant across the street. This inevitably annoys me immensely. But tonight when the temperature is supposed to be well below zero and I need to pack my car to leave for the weekend, I really don't want to move my car at 10 p.m. when the cars are likely to finally leave.

I want to do something to those cars that will let the owners know that this isn't their parking lot and they don't belong here. Dastardly things run through my mind and then is when I must choose how to respond. The choices are wide open really, I can do any number of things . . . but with each choice comes a consequence. Am I willing to accept the consequence if I choose to express the annoyance and anger I feel?

No . . . I'm not. I'm not willing to bear the punishment . . . OR the guilt that would shred my insides.

Still I must choose because my anger motivates me to misbehave. In the end I choose not to do anything, but this is not a satisfactory choice, even though it is the wise one, for I still have to leave my warm apartment to move my car and load it at 10:30 p.m. on a frigid, windy night.

What and how do you choose when faced with two unsatisfactory ways to resolve a problem? 

Solo Days

Since I have been a bit MIA the last couple of weeks, I thought I would take a minute to explain why before I jump into today's topic. As I've mentioned before, my mom is elderly and she's had some health concerns lately so we've been providing even more support than usual. I have been spending more time helping to manage her care, therefore my brief hiatus from blogging. Hoping I am back again now.

Solo Days . . . ummm, what is that?

About twenty years ago I read a book called The Youth Builder by Jim Burns. In it he describes taking a mini-retreat periodically to help maintain his sanity in the midst of a busy, busy, busy ministry life. I was inspired to begin my own trek into this practice. As the years have passed, this discipline has become part of the rhythm of my life and I have refined the process to work effectively for me. In time, I dubbed this custom a "Solo Day."

A Solo Day is a day (or sometimes more than one day) set aside to refocus specifically on God and what He is doing in my life. It involves prayer, Bible reading, reviewing my life, journaling, and goal setting. It happens about every 3 months around the same day each of those months. In May just before my birthday, I review the entire year and consider the entire coming year.

Usually I begin with prayer, asking God to guide this time and to speak to me. Then, often (although not always) I read a large portion of Scripture (a whole book or several chapters) with the expectation that God has something to say to me through His Word. I continue with prayer and journaling about what God has communicated to me through the Bible.

Then I focus on three core questions:

1. Where have I been?
2. What is God doing?
3. Where does God want me to go next?

Where have I been?

I review the last 3 months. I reflect on outstanding memories. I review my journals. Occasionally I review my calendar. Here I am gathering data, looking for facts and events.

What is God doing?

This is the beginning of the interpretation of the data. I am looking for where God has been at work in my life and around me. Where can I see patterns of His activity? What have I heard Him say to me? What lessons has He taught me?

Where does God want me to go next?

This is the second part of the interpretation of the data and is bathed in prayer and processing. Where does God want me to focus for the next 3 months or the next year? How do I get there? I normally write down some action steps or goals to move me forward toward where I see God leading me.

Last week I had a mini melt down one morning and later in the day, I realized that it was near the date for my quarterly Solo Day. I was feeling stressed out and overwhelmed as I often do just before it is time for a Solo Day. I knew that I needed to put it on my calendar pronto and then keep that date. 

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For nearly twenty years my Solo Days have been a time to connect more deeply with God, to regain my focus, to discern God's direction, and to emerge with greater peace and encouraged to forge ahead. 

How do you help yourself stay focused? 

Five Minute Friday - Write

Lisa Jo Baker started a gathering a few years ago and challenged others to write for 5 minutes each Friday on one specific topic. The idea is to write . . . just write unscripted and unedited for 5 minutes and then link up with others over at her site.  Today's prompt is "WRITE"

Ready? Set? Write . . .

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I have loved to write since I was a small girl. I purchased an ancient typewriter as a pre-teen and would crank out the "Violet Hill Newspaper" filled with fictional stories of things that happened on Violet Hill. As I grew older, I wrote letters, in my diary, even a couple of novellas when I was in high school.

My favorite place to write has become my journal, a place where I can process life in God's presence and with His guidance. My journals are also where I engage in many of the spiritual disciplines that help me to build my relationship with God through Christ.

Not only do I enjoy the act of creating something with words, putting words together to form sentences that create pictures and express ideas, I also love the physical act of forming the words with pen on paper. There is something precious in the old-fashioned act of physically writing the words on paper, of seeing a person's individual handwriting.

Stop!

Letting Go of Offenses

Recently I have been strategizing how to update my wardrobe a little bit. A common suggestion is to use accessories to add a little spark to your look. I began thinking about accessories and two old offenses came to mind unbidden.

My father's mother died when I was very young and I have no distinct memories of her. When my father's father died, I was given a bracelet that had been my grandmother's. While this bracelet, being made of gold and pearls, did have monetary value, the greater value to me was that it had belonged to my grandmother. While I was in college, we had "College Days" a time for high school students considering our college to come and visit. One day during College Days my roommate and I were expecting to have guests come and stay with us. I came into our room during a free time and found sleeping bags and other luggage in our room. Our guests had arrived. When I came back later, all sign of them was gone and I never did meet them or know what happened to them. A few days later I realized that my grandmother's bracelet was missing, never to be found again. I believed that it had either fallen into our guest's belongings during their brief visit, or that it had deliberately been taken. This made me sad then and now - sad for the loss of the connection to my grandmother, sad that one Christian would do this to another.

While I was at another college, I roomed alone for a semester.  Because I had extra space, I was able to hang my necklaces on a rack where I could grab them easily. Unfortunately others could grab them easily, and sometimes did. One girl in particular liked to enter my room when I was away and "borrow" my necklaces. Unfortunately she borrowed one gold cross necklace that had been given to me by a friend and never returned it.

When these two incidents came to mind, I found myself feeling resentful because of these two injustices. Some one had stolen from me and I had no way to track down either thief, recover my property, or see justice come. Nearly 25 years have passed since these offenses took place, yet still I sometimes have to work through the emotions again the sadness of loss and the anger of injustice.

People offend us. In my case and in the grand scheme of things, these offenses are relatively small. Sometimes the offense is large. How do we respond? We can hang onto offenses, hold grudges, allow resentment, even hatred to grow or we can choose to forgive.

Forgiveness frees us from being bound by hatred, resentment, revenge, and grudges -- all things which can eat away at our souls. Forgiveness is not easy many times, but it is worth it when we value the quality of our souls and the quality of the life we will live. Jesus told many parables and taught several times on forgiveness. The Lover of our Souls knows the value of forgiveness and desires for us to live in freedom and health.

Are there offenses that come to your mind now and again . . . 

or that linger like a perpetual cloud over your life? 

Will you let them go? Will you choose to forgive?

Five Minute Friday - Visit

On Fridays a lot of people join Lisa Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday, a time to write without editing, without pressure to get it all right, a time to just write for 5 minutes. This week's word (although I'm a day late to this party) is "Visit."

Read . . . set . . . write . . .

This morning the phone rang and I saw a friendly name on the ID screen . . . a family member, one of my sisters. I picked up the call and we had a visit, not face to face, but a time to catch up, to hear a dear, familiar voice. Visiting with one sister, led to a visit with another sister and then my mom. All by phone.

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These days it seems many, too many perhaps, of my visits are by phone. We live far apart and getting together amidst busy schedules becomes increasingly difficult with both family and friends. Yet, I am thankful for this invention of the telephone, as well as, I might add, e-mail and Facebook. Although there is no substitute for a face to face visit, these little mini visits by phone or via the internet, help us stay connected and involved in one another's lives . . . a very valuable thing indeed.

Stop!

Letting Go - Good, but Not Best

As we start off this new year, there may be things that we need to let go of, things that if we hang on to them will keep us from pursuing the good things ahead.

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In his book, Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud identifies three things that we need to prune from our lives:

1.  Those things that are good, but not best.
2.  Those things that are sick and not getting better.
3.  Those things that are dead.

Here at the beginning of 2014 as we've made resolutions, chosen a word or theme, or set goals for the coming year, let's pause for a moment to think about what might stop us from keeping those resolutions or reaching our goals.

What are activities, habits, relationships, or attitudes that are barriers to moving forward in our lives, that are keeping us tied to the way things have always been? When I was teaching I had a poster hanging in my room that said, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." (author unknown) Growth requires change and change means some things will have to end and others must be different. 

• What activities take up resources (time, energy, or money) that could be better spent on pursuing our dreams?
• What habits keep us stuck in the same rut day after day, month after month, year after year? 
• What relationships drain us of energy or lead us to places or activities that are hurtful to us? 
• What attitudes keep us stuck where we are?

Take a little while to ponder these questions, to pull out a piece of paper or an electronic device where you can write, and jot down the ideas and realizations that come to mind. 

These are the things that may be good, but are likely not the best. These are the things that will keep us from moving forward toward our dreams, goals, and desires. 

Now, comes the more difficult, perhaps even a painful part. What will you do to change? 

How will you change your activities so that your resources are spent on pursuing your new resolutions or dreams? Last summer I participated in a Clutter Buster Challenge and I realized that I spent too much time and energy managing paper. For example, I had a picture file that I had built over 30+ years with pictures to be used for bulletin boards or crafts. I had hundreds of pictures that I had spent time searching through magazines to find. Once found these pictures had to be trimmed and filed. How often did I use this file? Occasionally it had been a valued source for some project, however probably not as valuable as the time and energy I had spent maintaining it. The file was pruned. Hundreds of pictures were thrown away and now only very special pictures are added. It was a good thing, but not the best.

How will you change your habits so that you are no longer stuck in the same rut? 

What will you do to change your attitudes to ones that encourage you to move forward and increase your energy level? 

What will you do about those relationships? This seems like the hardest one of all to me. I value people as gifts from God, created in His image. I know that true relationships take time and energy to build and cannot be easily replaced. Too often relationships are fragile. Yet sometimes people have a negative impact on us. Sometimes people make choices that hurt us and them. What do you do with those relationships that are holding us back, hurting us? What do we do when those relationships are people that it is difficult to avoid like family, coworkers, or members of an organization we are part of and value? 

What things do you need to let go of in 2014 to pursue not merely the good, but the best?

2014's Theme

Each year, for many years now, as New Year's approaches I pause to reflect on the year that has passed and to ask God what He wants me to focus on in the coming year. Although this holiday season was filled with an unrelenting busyness, I was still able to squeeze in this important tradition.

As I reflected on 2013, the title of an influential book popped up over and over . . . Necessary Endings. Early in 2013 I began reading this book by Dr. Henry Cloud. It helped me to process a series of unexpected and painful endings that had come my way, unbidden and unwanted, and beyond my control. This book helped me to find peace and to heal raw, wounded places.

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Many things in my life had ended. I learned that sometimes even good things in our lives have to be pruned away so that something new can grow. We grieve the losses and learn from them and then open our arms to embrace the new that is ahead.

So, although my theme for 2014 might seem cliche in some ways, for me it is more than a cliche. It is filled with anticipation as well as fear. "New Beginnings" a phrase often heard around New Year, a time for resolutions, for wiping the slate clean and starting over. I'm not making any resolutions (well, except to write 2014 instead of 2013) and I'm not trying to wipe out my past. No, I am embracing the past and seeking to expand my soul by learning from it, by being enriched by the wonder and joy of what has been (even what has been lost), by assimilating it into my outlook on life. Still, 2014 is a year of New Beginnings, a year to pursue a master's degree in counseling, a year to pursue God's call on my life in different ways, a year to maintain valued relationships while also building new ones.

2013 was about coming to peace with the past. 2014 is about moving forward to the new fruit that has space to grow where all that has been pruned once was.

Do you have a theme or word for the new year?

I would love for you to share it here, and, if you'd like, why you chose that word or theme.

Handmade Gifts - Week Four

I hope that everyone had a lovely Christmas!! I had a quiet time with loved ones and enjoyed it very much.

Recently someone asked if I make handmade gifts for others. The answer is yes! In fact, this is the first year in many years that I didn't make any handmade gifts for Christmas . . . although I baked more cookies than I know what to do with! :)

Today I thought I would share with you a few of the gifts I have made with love and care over the years . . .

A plastic bag holder for my teddy bear collector mom.

A "Busy Book" for a young nephew.

A lap quilt and matching pillows as a wedding gift for a dear friend and her new groom.

A matching towel and dishcloth set.

A "Puppy Book" (much like a baby book only for a dog) for a 9 year old who had just received his much hoped and prayed for puppy.

A blanket to welcome a precious new life into our family!

How about you? Do you like to craft? 

What gifts have you made for others?

Handmade Gifts - Week Three

Christmas is now just one short week away. I am dashing to and fro with not one, but multiple to do lists that all seem too long. But in the midst of this hustle and bustle I want to pause for a moment and remember a few more handmade treasures that grace my home and the beloved people who made them for me.

The first is a handmade, prayer shrug. A few years ago our pastor's wife initiated a prayer shawl ministry at our church. Women from our church joined together to knit or crochet prayer shawls, lap blankets, baby blankets, scarves, hats and prayer shrugs to be given to people in times of difficulty and heartache. When this couple left our church about a year ago, Mrs. Pastor (as she was sometimes affectionately known) gave me a beautiful prayer shrug that she had crocheted. I often wear it on cool mornings while I am having my quiet time. I appreciate the beauty of the gift and the meaning behind it, and even more the prayers that I know this dear woman and her husband have prayed for me in the past and continue to pray for me still.

Another friend made me several painted items that I enjoy and appreciate. One is a wall-hanging with the verse "Casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you" inscribed on it surrounded by cheerful flowers. The second is a heart shaped box, painted a cream color with a lovely floral design on the top. And last but not least is a little friend that comes out at this time of year and stays around until spring - a fun snowman that keeps me company and brightens my day through the long winter days.

Do you have homemade decorations that grace your home?

What are they like? Who made them for you?

Handmade Gifts - Week Two

I have been blessed to be part of a creative and talented family who throughout my lifetime has blessed me with many meaningful hand crafted gifts.

A few years ago, one of my sisters made me a decorative pillow. I love the colors she chose and the labor of love that went into designing and crafting it.

When I was a young child, my oldest sister made me two heirloom gifts. One year she made a wardrobe for my Barbie. She made a wedding dress, an evening gown, a matching dress and cape, she even knitted tiny sweaters, skirts, and stockings for her. There were pants, skirts, blouses, and dresses in this finely crafted wardrobe. I loved to dress my Barbie in these clothes and they were an inspiration to me to make other clothes for my doll myself.

A few years later my parents bought me my last baby doll. Again my oldest sister went to her sewing machine, pulled out her crochet hook and made a wardrobe for my doll. There were dresses, pajamas, play suits, and a crocheted ripple baby blanket for me to dress Abigail for any imaginable occasion. All beautifully handcrafted.

When my parents house burned a few years ago, both of these wardrobes were in storage at their house. I was very relieved to find them undamaged in their tote among the debris.

My mother too handcrafted many things for me over the years. She made many of my clothes and I remember looking forward to a new dress at Easter and Christmas, to new clothes each year for school, and the delight of choosing patterns and fabrics for those clothes. Just a few years ago, she finished a project that she had been working on for some time - a Hobby Holly Applique patchwork quilt.

Perhaps another day I will share about the ceramic and woodworking projects my family has blessed me with. So very thankful for these gifts of time, love, and creativity!!!

Do you have special gifts crafted for you by parents or siblings? 

What special ideas have they come up with to bless you?

Five Minute Friday: Reflect

On Fridays Lisa Jo Baker invites people from around the world to link up for Five Minute Friday where we write unfettered and unedited for five minutes. The words flow from our minds and hearts through our fingertips to the keyboard and we WRITE. On this the last Five Minute Friday of 2013 before we take a break for the month of December, the prompt is "REFLECT".

Ready . . . set . . . write . . .

On this last Five Minute Friday of 2013, it is just the right time to reflect back on the year that is coming to a close.

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My key word this year has been "emerging". The year 2012 was filled with tumult, loss, and profound grief. More tears were shed in 2012 that I thought I had within me to shed. As I reflect back on 2013, it has truly been about emerging from the pain to find peace even where there is no resolution or reconciliation. Emerging from conflict to stability and from loss to hope.

For some time I have had one word that seems to capture a year, to summarize its general direction. What will be my key word for 2014? Ummm . . . I don't know yet. Freedom . . . Choosing Life . . . these are themes that have emerged in 2013 and seem to hold portent for the future. I am not yet sure. I will reflect more on this in the coming weeks . . .

How about you? What word would you use to describe 2013?

What word do you hope will describe 2014?

Handmade Gifts - Week One

I love handmade gifts, especially ones that have a special significance. During this month when so much of our focus is on gifts, each Wednesday I want to share with you some meaningful handmade gifts that have been given to me over the years.

In my living room, I have three beautiful cross-stitch wall hangings made for me by a dear friend. All of them are special and meaningful, yet of the three this is my favorite - a sampler of "A Virtuous Woman" from Proverbs 31. Not only was this a labor of love - there is so much detail in this sampler - but it came with wonderful words of encouragement.

My friend has a rare understanding of and love for her single friends. When she gave me this treasure, she explained that she wanted me to know that she saw me as a Proverbs 31 woman. In her eyes having a husband was not necessary to be a virtuous women, a woman who honors the Lord. Her words of encouragement meant a great deal to me and every time I see this work of art, I am reminded of her love and encouragement.

Another dear friend created a lovely friendship wall hanging. Using a greeting card and my favorite colors, she chose a lovely picture with a saying about friends. Then she framed it with a pink mat (pink is my favorite color), a wooden frame, added embellishments in the corners and a beautiful reminder of our friendship was created.

This picture hangs over my bed where I am regularly reminded of this dear friend and the way she has walked through life with me, even when she is many miles away

On March 2, 2009 I received news of the unthinkable. My parents house was on fire. The house my father and brother had built. The house my mother had lovingly decorated. The house that had been my home more than any other was on fire.

By the time the firemen put the fire out, there was little left to salvage. The insurance company declared it a total loss. This was a grave loss to my parents in their mid-eighties and to me as well.

A couple of years ago, one of my nieces painted a picture of that house for me. It is in my living room and the first picture I see when I enter the room. Seeing it there comforts me time and time again.

As I look around my home, I am reminded of dear friends and family members who have expended their time and energy to share their love for me with me. I cherish these handmade works of art and the people who made them for me.

Do you have a homemade gift that has a special meaning to you? 

I invite you to share your story about it.

I am Grateful for . . . Photographs

As I look around my home and around my workplace, I am thankful for photographs.

Photographs remind me of people who have been part of my life, people who have added value and sweetness to my life.

Photographs remind me of special events - places I've visited; sights I've seen; adventures I've had; celebrations of birthdays, holidays, baptisms, weddings, showers, new babies . . . the special moments of life.

Photographs remind me of special animals that I have loved and enjoyed.

Photographs also remind me of beautiful places.

I am thankful for photographs!

What is your favorite photo? 

Why is it your favorite?

When the "To Do" List is Way too Long

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Laundry is in piles. The Mom Taxi is working overtime traveling in a myriad of directions. Bills are waiting to be paid. Dishes. Meal preparation. House cleaning. A demanding career. A spouse and children who have needs to be met. Friends you value and want to see, yet the calendar is so full. Saying that little two letter word ("no") is so hard. Aging parents that need you. A never ending list of things to do.

The plates are spinning. The juggler is juggling. Any moment this fine tuned juggling act might come crashing to the ground . . . because the reality is, you can only keep up this level of activity for so long before things start to fall apart.

What can we do to keep it from all falling apart?

Remember the Airplane Oxygen Mask Lesson. You know that movie the flight attendants show at the beginning of every flight, the one that tells you a bunch of stuff you hope you never really need to know. On one flight I was traveling with a young child. When they asked the question, "What do you do when the oxygen mask drops?" My immediate response was, "Help the young child put hers on." I was initially appalled when they said, "Put on your own mask first."

"Isn't that selfish?" I thought. But then I realized that if I encountered a difficulty putting her mask on her and I didn't have my own on and I became unconscious, she would be in serious trouble. At that moment I grasped in a way that I never had before the importance of self-care. When we don't take care of ourselves, when our emotional and physical resources are depleted, we cannot care for those we love most. Self-care is very important to our overall well-being and to those we love.

Evaluate priorities. When dealing with a schedule that is overfull and a to do list that is too long, prioritizing helps to weed out what is keeping you from living a balanced, healthy life. Take some time to evaluate your priorities in life. What do you value most? Limit the number of things that you place on this list. I recommend keeping it to 3 or 4 things.

A few years ago, I had 4 things on my list of priorities (relationship with God/self-care, family and close friends, work, and a ministry). If someone asked me to do something, I ran it through this rubric and if it didn't fit, I had to say "no". Although I was busy, I was also focused, purposeful, and largely balanced. Some time later, I changed jobs and found myself trying to find my way to new ministries. Without my earlier rubric, I found it much harder to choose what to say "yes" or "no" to. My priorities had become much more fuzzy and it was harder to determine which things to do and not to do. Life felt much more scattered and out of control. Having a defined set of priorities to evaluate opportunities makes it easier to identify and say "no" to things that don't fit.

Practice saying "No." Although this tiny two letter word slips out of our mouths when we are two with amazing ease and frequency, somehow as we grow older it becomes harder and harder to say. Sometimes we need to practice saying it.

Practice it in the mirror. Practice it with a friend. Practice it in the car. Practice saying it to your children's toys. Say . . .

No with attitude.
No with charm.
No simply and straightforwardly.
No with a gracious explanation.

No can be said in many ways, but in the end, it needs to be said and to be held to firmly, because most people will take advantage of you if you let them. Practice saying "no" until you can say it comfortably to others because it frees you from commitments you can't afford to make.

When your schedule seems overwhelming,

what do you do to bring it under control?

Freedom to FLY

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Chains . . . bars . . . painful memories hold us a prisoner to the past, but we can FLY to Freedom. When the past and it's difficulties hold us captive, there is a way to release the chains, throw open the bars and soar in Freedom.

Forgive. People have hurt us. People have done wrong to us. Things have happened, unforgiveable things have been done. Forgive. Forgiving does not say that what they did was okay, only that we will not seek revenge, only that we will not let it hold us captive any longer.

Let go. The past can wrap us up in bitterness. Let go. Rather than hold a grudge, let it go. Rather than rehearse the bad things done, let it go. Rather than nurse our right to revenge, let it go as an act of forgiveness.

Yield. Yield to the Savior who has paid for the sin of those who've hurt us and for our sin. Yield our well-being to Him and allow Him to bring us into freedom, into a place where there is something new, something beautiful. Yield to the peace and joy and love He longs to give us.

FLY - Forgive - Let Go - Yield

And FLY to Freedom

Five Minute Friday . . . 5 minutes of unfettered writing . . . every Friday morning at 12:01 a.m. with Lisa Jo Baker. 

I am Grateful for . . . Authors who have Touched My Life

When I was in second grade, my teacher read the book Heidi to my class. I can still see the classroom and her standing at the front of the room, a blackboard behind her, a wall of windows looking out toward the grassy front lawn on her right. Her students sitting at desks lined up in neat rows. Daily she took us into the world of the Swiss Alps where the goats climbed high up to the meadows and Peter had to chase them, back at the cabin the Grandfather made his goat cheese, and the fir trees sang in the wind. I loved the characters and I wanted to be able to read that book again . . . and again . . . and again. Suddenly I was motivated to read a "big" book and I worked hard to be able to read Heidi all by myself. It took several months, but at last I could read it for myself and I haven't stopped reading since.

I am grateful for books and for the authors who have written them.

Authors who have entertained me:

• Lilian Jackson Braun who wrote The Cat Who . . .  series. I was introduced to this series by a co-worker back in the early nineties and from the beginning fell in love with Qwill, Koko and Yum-Yum and their extraordinary exploits.  
• Margaret Truman who wrote the Capital Murder series. The same person who introduced me to Ko-Ko and Yum-Yum also suggested I would like Margaret Truman's books and indeed I did.
• Although a children's author, I didn't meet Lucy Maud Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables until I was well into adulthood, but her books quickly became favorites to read time and again.

Authors who have taught me: 

• Larry Crabb who is a Christian counselor and author of many books on counseling. His books were required reading in my counseling courses in college. Now I pick them up because of the impact his words have had on me and the value they hold to me.
• Another set of Christian counselors whose books have helped to shape and form my thinking are Henry Cloud and John Townsend. From Boundaries to Safe People to Necessary Endings I have found advice and insights that have not only impacted my thinking but my relationships as well.

Authors who have both taught and entertained me:

• Nineteenth century writer George MacDonald has entertained me with stories of the Scottish highlands with his strong characters like Wee Sir Gibbie, Malcolm, and my favorite Robert Falconer. At the same time the theology that he weaves through every story has given me cause to pause and evaluate my own understanding of God.
• An avid fan and student of MacDonald's works, C.S. Lewis is another that has entertained me with stories of Narnia and outer space and in his storytelling given me a different perspective of God. One of my favorite quotes is from the Chronicles of Narnia: The question is asked "Is Aslan safe?" and the response given, "No, but He is good."
• Last, but certainly not least is contemporary author Lynn Austin. The first time I heard of Lynn I was on a missions trip in Belize and one of the women on the team was lying on her bed in the afternoon reading a book. She mentioned that her aunt had just had this book published. I must confess I was a little skeptic since I didn't think I knew anyone related to a published author, but I was wrong. I knew an entire family related to her. Eventually someone loaned me one of her books and now I eagerly read her books each chance I get. She too is a gifted storyteller whose characters teach lessons of living a life of faith.

What about you? 

What authors have impacted your life through entertainment, teaching, or inspiration?

Note: I was not paid in any way for these recommendations. 

When News of the Unthinkable Comes

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There are moments when the thing that you know happens, but hope beyond hope never happens to you does happen. The State Police knock on the door with the news of the sudden, untimely death of a loved one. Your doctor speaks the words you never want to hear . . . a diagnosis of a terminal illness . . . an unborn child has a birth defect that will affect all of his or her life . . . a loved one only has a short time to live . . . a diagnosis of a chronic illness that will affect your day to day life. A boss says, "I'm sorry, but today is your last day. We're downsizing and we're eliminating your position." An employer calls you into her office and says the terrifying words, "Your home is on fire."

The unthinkable has happened.

What do we do in the midst of the shock . . . the pain . . . the grief? When the world feels like it is spinning wildly out of control and suddenly nothing makes sense, what do we do? How do we respond?

Know that the shock, pain, overwhelming sadness, anger, and disorientation are normal. Many times we associate grief only with the passing of someone we love, however the feelings connected with grief can apply to many situations. Events that do not involve a physical death are sometimes labeled a death event because there is a death of a relationship, a job, a home, a dream, or physical well-being. The stages (or waves as I prefer to call them, because they often come in waves) of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - apply to both a literal death and a death event. These feelings are normal - uncomfortable and difficult, but normal.

Give yourself grace and protect yourself. It is normal to be overwhelmed and fragile in the aftermath of unthinkable news. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come your way and to express them in ways that will not cause yourself or others harm. Writing your feelings in a journal; crying; engaging in physical activity; talking to a friend, pastor, or counselor; or listening to music are positive ways to express our emotion. When waves of anger or depression come, it is easy to allow yourself to slide into a danger zone. At times like this, getting behind the wheel of a car, being alone with weapons that can cause you harm are dangerous and it is important that you protect yourself from releasing your anger or depression in a way that can harm you. If you feel overwhelmingly sad or angry reach out for help - call a friend or a local crisis hotline for help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number is 1-800-273-8255.

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 Seek safe places and safe people. Not all people will be safe. Even well-meaning people may not be safe for you as you process what has happened. Find those people and those places where you will be loved, where people will be sensitive to your needs, where you will be sheltered from unsafe people. Look for people who will accept you where you are, help you process what's happening to you, and who are willing to help keep you safe (even from yourself if need be). If you do not have these people in your life, a local support group or faith community may be able to provide these safe people.

Cling to the God of all comfort. In the midst of grief, God is with us. He is there to comfort, strengthen, and support. He even understands if we are angry with Him. He does not promise to take away all the difficulties and pain we face in a broken world, but He does promise to give us the strength to make it through them.

If you have faced a time when unthinkable news has come, 

what did you do to help yourself through that time?

Five Minute Friday: Tree . . . the one with the rope swing

Here we are on yet another early Friday morning, meeting with one another to write for five minutes, on one topic, little editing, no planning, just writing. Thank you Lisa Jo for hosting this party week after week and for inspiring us to write.

Ready . . . set . . . write . . .

When I saw the prompt many trees came to mind: the tree with the rope swing, the tree of Calvary, the row of graceful, ancient maples that arched over the country road in front of my childhood home, the apple tree out back that I loved to climb. As a child who grew up in the country and had a father who ran a sawmill, trees were a treasured part of my life. But the prompt said, tree . . . singular, so I will choose one tree. The tree with the rope swing.

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In our yard, in front of a large, 1800's farmhouse stood a beautiful maple tree with a branch that was perfect for a rope swing with a wooden seat. I loved that swing and that tree. As a child I would spend part of many a day swinging on that swing, my legs pumping, leaning back my arms extended, and then pulling forward to gain momentum. Swinging high, looking up at the leaves high over my head.

Sweet memories of a beloved tree . . . and of the man who tended that swing and made sure it was safe and ready for me to use . . . my dad.

Stop.

I Am Grateful for . . . My Dakota

In November of 2007, I prayed a prayer asking God to bring me a cat. A few days later, I walked into youth group and one of our students excitedly told me that at the end of youth group her mother was bringing her new litter of kittens for all of us to see. Her cat had given birth to four kittens. She could not keep them and needed to find homes for them when they were ready to leave their mama.

Ummm . . . answer to prayer?

Four tiny kittens arrived at the end of youth group. One could fit in the palm of my small hand. One black and white kitten was in the litter. One mewling, helpless, tiny ball of black and white fur. I carefully picked him up and held him against my chest. He was quiet, content. I fell in love.

The last weekend in November, I drove to the student's house and picked up my little bundle of fur.

While I waited for him to be old enough to leave his mama, I searched for just the right name for him. I was going through a period of transition and I wanted his name to have meaning as well as fit him. My search led me to a word that in it's native language means "friend." I hoped he would be a dear companion to me in a season of change. I called him Dakota.

He has been with me six years now. He is full of personality and at times makes me laugh until I cry, at times cry out in pain when he displays his ninja skills, and at times he comforts me with his loving presence.

I am very grateful for my little friend Dakota.

How has an animal in your life given you cause to be grateful?

Five Minute Friday: Truth

On Fridays at 12:01 a.m. Lisa Jo Baker posts a one word prompt and people all over the world pause, then or sometime later, and write for 5 minutes on that one topic. Little editing, just us and our keyboards and our thoughts writing for 5 minutes. Ready? Set? Write.

Truth. Do we speak truth? Do we live truth? How often do the half-truths, the white lies, the things we say that we don't mean creep into our conversations?

I value truth. I seek to speak accurately and truthfully. Sometimes I struggle, though. I want to tell the truth and I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. I want to tell the truth and I don't want to get into a big messy conflict. I find myself conflicted, seeking to say the right thing, the truthful thing, the gentle thing, the diplomatic thing. Sometimes it's not easy to find just the right truthful words.

How do you handle those conflicted moments of speaking the truth when it is risky?

I am Grateful for . . . My Nieces and Nephews

I have enjoyed being called "Aunt Dar" since I was eight years old. Being an aunt has been was of the greatest joys of my life.

My eighteen nieces and nephews came in various shapes and sizes and each one has their own distinct personality, gifts and abilities. Even though there are two sets of identical twins among them, there are none that are exactly alike. Among them are home inspectors, medical records experts, moms, dads, photographers, writers, artists, truck drivers, exterminators, pharmacy techs, architects, farmers, mechanics, students, and police officers.

When they were young I enjoyed swimming with them; planning treasure hunts and scavenger hunts for them; going on hikes, taking pictures, watching movies, playing games with them. I enjoyed their laughter and was saddened by their tears.

Now that they are older, I enjoy catching up with them when we see each other. I am delighted to get to know their children and to see these new little ones growing up. (Some are grown. My oldest great-nephew graduated from Marine boot camp recently. So proud of him!)

Earlier this year one of my sisters visited with three of her daughters. It was a special occasion. Her youngest daughter was pregnant with her first child, my sister's first grandchild. We were having a shower. What a pleasure to be in the same room with my sisters, their daughters and granddaughters as we celebrated the soon coming of this little one.

At one point as we were together in the days before the shower, I walked into the living room and all three sisters were curled up in a corner of a couch writing in their journals. I journal. Their mother journals. My grandmother, their great-grandmother, kept a diary until a stroke took away her ability to write. My heart was warmed and delighted to see this legacy passed on from one generation to another.

I am grateful for each and every niece and nephew that God has given me and for the new ones that are their children.

What about your family has brought you joy and pleasure?

Dear Nieces and Nephews, 

Sorry I was unable to include a picture of each of you. 

I ran out of room and pictures that seemed "right" for this post. 

Love you all!

Aunt Dar