Letting Go - Good, but Not Best

As we start off this new year, there may be things that we need to let go of, things that if we hang on to them will keep us from pursuing the good things ahead.

freedigitalphotos.net

In his book, Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud identifies three things that we need to prune from our lives:

1.  Those things that are good, but not best.
2.  Those things that are sick and not getting better.
3.  Those things that are dead.

Here at the beginning of 2014 as we've made resolutions, chosen a word or theme, or set goals for the coming year, let's pause for a moment to think about what might stop us from keeping those resolutions or reaching our goals.

What are activities, habits, relationships, or attitudes that are barriers to moving forward in our lives, that are keeping us tied to the way things have always been? When I was teaching I had a poster hanging in my room that said, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." (author unknown) Growth requires change and change means some things will have to end and others must be different. 

• What activities take up resources (time, energy, or money) that could be better spent on pursuing our dreams?
• What habits keep us stuck in the same rut day after day, month after month, year after year? 
• What relationships drain us of energy or lead us to places or activities that are hurtful to us? 
• What attitudes keep us stuck where we are?

Take a little while to ponder these questions, to pull out a piece of paper or an electronic device where you can write, and jot down the ideas and realizations that come to mind. 

These are the things that may be good, but are likely not the best. These are the things that will keep us from moving forward toward our dreams, goals, and desires. 

Now, comes the more difficult, perhaps even a painful part. What will you do to change? 

How will you change your activities so that your resources are spent on pursuing your new resolutions or dreams? Last summer I participated in a Clutter Buster Challenge and I realized that I spent too much time and energy managing paper. For example, I had a picture file that I had built over 30+ years with pictures to be used for bulletin boards or crafts. I had hundreds of pictures that I had spent time searching through magazines to find. Once found these pictures had to be trimmed and filed. How often did I use this file? Occasionally it had been a valued source for some project, however probably not as valuable as the time and energy I had spent maintaining it. The file was pruned. Hundreds of pictures were thrown away and now only very special pictures are added. It was a good thing, but not the best.

How will you change your habits so that you are no longer stuck in the same rut? 

What will you do to change your attitudes to ones that encourage you to move forward and increase your energy level? 

What will you do about those relationships? This seems like the hardest one of all to me. I value people as gifts from God, created in His image. I know that true relationships take time and energy to build and cannot be easily replaced. Too often relationships are fragile. Yet sometimes people have a negative impact on us. Sometimes people make choices that hurt us and them. What do you do with those relationships that are holding us back, hurting us? What do we do when those relationships are people that it is difficult to avoid like family, coworkers, or members of an organization we are part of and value? 

What things do you need to let go of in 2014 to pursue not merely the good, but the best?

2014's Theme

Each year, for many years now, as New Year's approaches I pause to reflect on the year that has passed and to ask God what He wants me to focus on in the coming year. Although this holiday season was filled with an unrelenting busyness, I was still able to squeeze in this important tradition.

As I reflected on 2013, the title of an influential book popped up over and over . . . Necessary Endings. Early in 2013 I began reading this book by Dr. Henry Cloud. It helped me to process a series of unexpected and painful endings that had come my way, unbidden and unwanted, and beyond my control. This book helped me to find peace and to heal raw, wounded places.

freedigitalphotos.net

Many things in my life had ended. I learned that sometimes even good things in our lives have to be pruned away so that something new can grow. We grieve the losses and learn from them and then open our arms to embrace the new that is ahead.

So, although my theme for 2014 might seem cliche in some ways, for me it is more than a cliche. It is filled with anticipation as well as fear. "New Beginnings" a phrase often heard around New Year, a time for resolutions, for wiping the slate clean and starting over. I'm not making any resolutions (well, except to write 2014 instead of 2013) and I'm not trying to wipe out my past. No, I am embracing the past and seeking to expand my soul by learning from it, by being enriched by the wonder and joy of what has been (even what has been lost), by assimilating it into my outlook on life. Still, 2014 is a year of New Beginnings, a year to pursue a master's degree in counseling, a year to pursue God's call on my life in different ways, a year to maintain valued relationships while also building new ones.

2013 was about coming to peace with the past. 2014 is about moving forward to the new fruit that has space to grow where all that has been pruned once was.

Do you have a theme or word for the new year?

I would love for you to share it here, and, if you'd like, why you chose that word or theme.

Day 30: Pruning

"Define what you are shooting for,

and then prune against that standard.

That is when vision, goals, and even teams

begin to take the shape that you desire."

~ Henry Cloud, Necessary Endings

Pruning . . . God prunes away what is good but not best, what is sick and not getting better, and what is dead. 

Pruning can apply to an organization, to relationships, and to communication. God has pruned my ministries, my relationships, and an organization I am part of. God prunes so that we can produce more fruit. What is the fruit God wants to produce? 

Pruning leads to having enough, to having what is needed, what is used, what is best . . . but no more.

Are there things that need to be pruned from your life 

so that you can see what is best, not merely what is good?

freedigitalphotos.net

Clutter to Clarity

"Define what you are shooting for, and then prune against that standard." 

~ Dr. Henry Cloud (Necessary Endings)

In June I began a Clutter Buster Challenge - get rid of 7 items per day. By the end of August I had gotten rid of over 5,000 items (much of it paper). Choosing what to keep and what to discard gave me clarity about my life.

In the past I had been a school teacher and a youth worker. Those seasons have ended and now I am looking ahead to a new season. Although the picture of the next season is still a little fuzzy, I see a picture of a counselor, a teacher, and a writer. While I gave away many of my tools that had served me well as a school teacher or youth leader, I kept those tools that would help me as a counselor, non-school teacher, and writer. In my sorting and evaluating, I found clarity about the season that had ended and the season ahead.

The old must go to make way for the new. Pursuing new opportunities requires energy, time, and focus. As long as I hung on to the old, I was stealing time, energy and focus from what lies ahead. I had to let go of the old to make room for the new. Letting go of the old is giving me the time and space to focus on the new. As I focus on the new, I am excited about what lies ahead.

My Clutter Buster Challenge has ended. Purging my home of what has come to an end has given me emotional and mental space to pursue the future. Still, I own too much. My next challenge is "Finding a Home" for everything, also known as "having a place for everything, and everything in its place." I can tell that this is going to lead to further pruning. As I continue to prune, I trust that my next steps will become clearer and clearer as well. 

Have you had a time when you made room for a new season in your life? What helped you to transition into that new opportunity?