Day 30: 31 Days Wrap-up

Dear Reader Friends,
Thank you for joining me on this 31 Day trek through my personal Pivot Points. I have enjoyed your visits and comments through this journey.

For me this has been an excursion through my past, through experiences, lessons, moments of sorrow, and of joy. Over the course of my life, each of these have changed who I am, each have been a step in the journey of transformation. The exciting thing is that the adventure continues. God persists with great patience and love to sand off my rough edges (though, I must confess, sometimes that hurts) and to shape and mold me into what He desires me to be.

I'd like to close this series with a key element of transformation - a renewed mind (changed thinking) through the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

The beginning each step of transformation in my life, has been a change in thinking. God has brought me to a place where I have changed what I think about God, how I think, my value, my boundaries, authenticity, grief, relationships, and emotions.

1. What I think about God. I have learned to trust that God is good. His moral character is pure, righteous, holy. There is nothing in Him that is evil or bad and He cannot do anything that is evil, bad, or wrong. If He were even a tiny bit evil, He would not be trustworthy. However, I can trust a God who is good, even when I don't understand.

2. What I think about how I think. Lies must be replaced with truth, if I am to be able to steer a correct course. What I believe affects what I feel and how I act. Even a slight error in thinking can lead me off-course. Additionally, perspectives are as varied as the people who hold them, but God's perspective is true and right in the whirling cacophony of public opinion. The thoughts I allow to occupy my mind and the perspective I approach them with are equally important.

3. What I think about my value. I am loved . . . even when I don't FEEL it. I am created in God's image and that gives me and every human being inherent value. Knowing that I am a valuable person helps me to approach others with confidence and also with love. Knowing that I am valuable also empowers me to serve God as He made me and not try to be someone else.

4. What I think about my boundaries. Boundaries are important to defining who I am and to maintaining healthy self care. Good boundaries allow me to engage in healthy, satisfying relationships without losing myself in the process.

5. What I think about authenticity. Authenticity doesn't mean that I have to spill my yuck all over others. It means I guard my heart to keep it pure as "the wellspring of life". If my heart is what it should be, my actions will follow.

6. What I think about grief. Grief comes into all of our lives, it is unavoidable. It is painful . . . hard . . . and difficult! But, there is a path through grief and a path that can lead to hope, health, and fullness of life once more. Finding meaning in life again is possible.

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7. What I think about relationships. Relationships are given by God and they are very important to our well-being. The one thing in all of creation that God declared "not good" was Adam's aloneness. We have been designed to live in relationship, yet many times those relationships become unhealthy and damaging. They don't have to stay that way. We don't have to stay in unhealthy relationships and we can learn how to connect with people in fulfilling and healthy ways.

8. What I think about emotions. Emotions are wonderful - they let us know we are alive. Emotions are confusing and sometimes overwhelming. Emotions tell us what is happening in our inner being. Our emotions can be managed and channeled to help us live more fully, to discern our inner spiritual health, and to connect more fully with God.

Over and over God has changed how I think - through experiences; through conversations with people; through great books; through prayer, Scripture and the Holy Spirit. Each change in my thinking has led to a change in how I approach life. The thinking changed, the feelings changed, and eventually the actions changed.

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In the coming days, I hope to expand on these themes and I invite you to join me in this exciting, ongoing adventure of transformation.

What have been keys to transformation in your life? 

Day 26: Bubbles and Boundaries

I am myself. I move around in my little bubble. In my little bubble is me . . . my personality, my thoughts, my opinions, my feelings, my memories, my character, my knowledge, my ideas, my talents, my abilities, my skills, my strengths, my weaknesses, all that makes up me.

If I value what is me, if I see what is me as worthwhile, as God-given, as God-designed, as valuable, as worthy of nurture, growth and development, then defining and guarding it so that it can grow and develop becomes important. As my bubble comes into contact with another bubble, then I realize I have something worthwhile to share with them. I recognize that they are wonderful and valuable, so I don't need an agenda to change them or fix them. I recognize and live out of my dependence on God, os I don't have to try to control or manipulate them to meet my needs.

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When I realize I am valuable and my bubble guards what is valuable, and when I realize you are valuable and your bubble guards what is valuable, then . . . 

• I respect your boundaries
• I am free to be who I am
• I am free to connect with you and share with you parts of myself
• I am able to be salt and light because I can allow God to shine through the person He desires me to be.

Sometimes what happens is we live inside our bubble and we don't see who and what we are as valuable and important. We look at other people's bubbles and think how much prettier or bigger they are and we try to get our bubble to look like their bubble. Perhaps we put up barriers so that no one will really know what's inside our bubble. Maybe we create a false bubble in an attempt to look like the other bubbles. Sometimes we try so hard to fit in with all the other bubbles that we lose the self that God intended us to be and the voice God intended us to have.

When I see both my bubble and your bubble as absolutely beautiful, as unique, as having a calling from God that no one else can answer, as having a voice that no one else can duplicate, as being a grain of salt that can add a flavor as no one else can then . . . 

• There is no need for comparison. (We are both equally valuable and amazing.)
• There is no need for competition (or jealousy). (God has separate and specific work for us to do . . . and there's plenty to go around.)
• I can accept you (and myself) exactly as you (we) are and enjoy the wonder of who you are. I can see you as a treasure box, full of wonderful surprises to be discovered. I can leave any fixing, any transforming work to God and God alone.
• I can share your journey and enjoy those times we have together, especially as I depend on God and trust Him to meet my needs. I have no need to control or manipulate you, because there is nothing I am dependent on you to give me.
• I am able to say, "I want you in my life" because I enjoy you and you add so much to my life, rather than say, "I need you" for what you give me.
• When our bubbles come in contact with each other it brings genuine joy and pleasure and needs are genuinely met (not through contrivance or manipulation or control, but out of our love for each other and obedience to God), and the experience is one we want to have over and over again. However if or bubbles become too connected and we lose ourselves - the voice or person God's called us to be is stilled or eclipsed - or we demand the other person meet our needs - instead of allowing need meeting to flow out of love and obedience - or we begin to focus on doing what only God should do (pointing out faults and trying to fix the other person) then it becomes painful to have our bubbles connect and the more pain that's generated the less we want to have the connection, the further away we want to run. 

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In our relationships there are certain things that as a person we have the right to say or to ask. There are also things that by their very nature infringe on another person's bubble and we don't have the right to say or do.

• I always have the right to disagree with you, but I don't have the right to belittle you or put down you or your idea. 
• I always have the right to tell you if you've done something that hurts me, but I can only expect you to take responsibility for the obedience or disobedience of your actions, not for my feelings.
• We have the right to disagree, even to argue but never to use the disagreement to purposely hurt the other.
• I have the right to ask for your help, even the right to ask you to meet my need, but I never have the right to manipulate or try to control you into doing it.
• I have the right to state and enforce my boundaries and I have an obligation/responsibility to respect yours.
• I have the right to express my opinion, to voice my concerns, but never the right to trample on you, to disparage the person God has made you to be.
• I have the right to ask for or, if necessary, to remove myself from relationship to create space and to preserve the bubble that is me. I also have the responsibility to do this in obedience and with love and compassion. 
• I have the right to choose to love you, to choose to be a friend, but never the right to seek to force you to do the same.
• I always have the responsibility to be the person that God has made me to be, to speak what God has asked me to say, to do what God has asked me to do and I have the right to ask that you allow me to do this, and if necessary I have to put whatever boundaries are necessary to create whatever space in the relationship necessary to insure that I am who God has made me to be and I do what God has called me to do. That is my highest priority and ultimately the purpose of my bubble. 

Boundaries are important 

to our emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.

How do you use boundaries to keep yourself healthy?

Books that Influenced How I Live

Books are like good friends who influence us to live better, fuller, richer lives. I enjoy reading. I enjoy hearing the voices of others and I am delighted when those voices have something so valuable to say that it changes how I live. Here are 8 books, other than the Bible (which deserves a post all of its own), that have impacted how I live.

The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence taught me to avoid getting trapped in guilt. Brother Lawrence describes how he deals with sin. He acknowledged his sin to God, accepted God's forgiveness and moved forward in obedience seeking to honor God in all things. Rather than wallow in guilt, trapped and hindered, he accepted and trusted in God's forgiveness and grace and lived in freedom and love. 

A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken tells the story of a young man and woman in love unwilling to consider Christ or Christianity until they meet C.S. Lewis. They come to faith in Christ, yet Sheldon refuses to put Christ before his beloved wife. When she is taken from him, he grieves deeply for her. He showed me how to grieve purposely, how to honor the one lost, grieve the loss, and move forward. 

A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser describes the day tragedy struck his family and left him bereft of his wife, mother, and daughter. He taught me how deeply loss impacts our identity. We derive much of our identity from our relationships and when they are lost we must look deeper into our own soul to discover who we are apart from those we have loved and lost.

Men are Like Waffles – Women are Like Spaghetti – Pam and Bill Farrell's description of the ways men and women think differently changed how I related to men. I learned that things that seemed unbelievable to me were reality (like men can turn off their brains or when they say "I forgot" it's not merely an excuse, but often the truth). I learned to stay on topic more especially in a serious, problem-solving conversations.

Henry Virkler describes how we relate to one another in Speaking Your Mind without Stepping on Toes. Sometimes we manipulate, sometimes we become aggressive, sometimes we become passive, however the best way to relate is assertively. When we approach another person in an assertive manner, we remember that both ourselves and the other person matter. We seek to find solutions that express respect for both people.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People written by well-known author and speaker, Steven Covey, contains a treasure box of life changing ideas: seek first to understand then to be understood, work through difficulties until you find a win-win solution, and prioritize based on what is important rather than what is urgent.

How I Changed My Mind about Women in Leadership by Alan Johnson is an anthology of reputable, conservative Christians who seek to live according to Scripture and who have also come to recognize the freedom that women have in Christ to exercise their gifts.

The Youth Builder by Jim Burns taught me to establish boundaries that protected my ministry and personal life. Ministry is emotionally and spiritually draining which can also impact us physically. Jim Burns recommends, among other things, limiting the number of nights out each week and taking retreats to focus on God and be refreshed. His advice led me to begin having "Solo Days" - a day set apart every three months to seek God and recognize His direction in my life.

What books have influenced how you live? What lessons have you learned from your favorite authors?