Letting Go of Offenses

Recently I have been strategizing how to update my wardrobe a little bit. A common suggestion is to use accessories to add a little spark to your look. I began thinking about accessories and two old offenses came to mind unbidden.

My father's mother died when I was very young and I have no distinct memories of her. When my father's father died, I was given a bracelet that had been my grandmother's. While this bracelet, being made of gold and pearls, did have monetary value, the greater value to me was that it had belonged to my grandmother. While I was in college, we had "College Days" a time for high school students considering our college to come and visit. One day during College Days my roommate and I were expecting to have guests come and stay with us. I came into our room during a free time and found sleeping bags and other luggage in our room. Our guests had arrived. When I came back later, all sign of them was gone and I never did meet them or know what happened to them. A few days later I realized that my grandmother's bracelet was missing, never to be found again. I believed that it had either fallen into our guest's belongings during their brief visit, or that it had deliberately been taken. This made me sad then and now - sad for the loss of the connection to my grandmother, sad that one Christian would do this to another.

While I was at another college, I roomed alone for a semester.  Because I had extra space, I was able to hang my necklaces on a rack where I could grab them easily. Unfortunately others could grab them easily, and sometimes did. One girl in particular liked to enter my room when I was away and "borrow" my necklaces. Unfortunately she borrowed one gold cross necklace that had been given to me by a friend and never returned it.

When these two incidents came to mind, I found myself feeling resentful because of these two injustices. Some one had stolen from me and I had no way to track down either thief, recover my property, or see justice come. Nearly 25 years have passed since these offenses took place, yet still I sometimes have to work through the emotions again the sadness of loss and the anger of injustice.

People offend us. In my case and in the grand scheme of things, these offenses are relatively small. Sometimes the offense is large. How do we respond? We can hang onto offenses, hold grudges, allow resentment, even hatred to grow or we can choose to forgive.

Forgiveness frees us from being bound by hatred, resentment, revenge, and grudges -- all things which can eat away at our souls. Forgiveness is not easy many times, but it is worth it when we value the quality of our souls and the quality of the life we will live. Jesus told many parables and taught several times on forgiveness. The Lover of our Souls knows the value of forgiveness and desires for us to live in freedom and health.

Are there offenses that come to your mind now and again . . . 

or that linger like a perpetual cloud over your life? 

Will you let them go? Will you choose to forgive?

Day 23: Neither Offend Nor Be Offended

A colleague and I enjoyed engaging in deep conversations about a myriad of topics. He and I thought very differently and hearing his perspective often challenged my thinking. One particular conversation challenged not only my thinking, but also resulted in a lifestyle change.

One time we were discussing the common biblical teaching not to offend others. My colleague challenged me to consider the other side of the coin, how easily a person is offended. I had never considered the responsibility of the person being offended, only that of the person doing the offending. His challenge to me was to not only seek to avoid offending others, but to take care that I was not easily offended by others.

In the days and weeks, and even now years later, I think of this conversation. It changed my perspective and helped me to differentiate between what deserved to be considered offensive and what was merely annoying, what I disagreed with, what made me uncomfortable, or what hurt my feelings. I realized that most things are not worth being offended by.

Those things that were truly offensive (sex trafficking, children dying of hunger, discrimination, etc.) were things that needed to be removed from the human experience. They did not deserve an "I'm offended, I'll have nothing to do with that" reaction, but a "that's offensive to God and humanity and it needs to be stopped" response. Those things that I disagreed with, that made me uncomfortable, that were annoying, or that hurt my feelings required a whole different type of response and could range from just letting it go to addressing it in a healthy, responsible way.

When do you think it's appropriate to be offended and how would you respond?