Books that Influenced How I Live

Books are like good friends who influence us to live better, fuller, richer lives. I enjoy reading. I enjoy hearing the voices of others and I am delighted when those voices have something so valuable to say that it changes how I live. Here are 8 books, other than the Bible (which deserves a post all of its own), that have impacted how I live.

The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence taught me to avoid getting trapped in guilt. Brother Lawrence describes how he deals with sin. He acknowledged his sin to God, accepted God's forgiveness and moved forward in obedience seeking to honor God in all things. Rather than wallow in guilt, trapped and hindered, he accepted and trusted in God's forgiveness and grace and lived in freedom and love. 

A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken tells the story of a young man and woman in love unwilling to consider Christ or Christianity until they meet C.S. Lewis. They come to faith in Christ, yet Sheldon refuses to put Christ before his beloved wife. When she is taken from him, he grieves deeply for her. He showed me how to grieve purposely, how to honor the one lost, grieve the loss, and move forward. 

A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser describes the day tragedy struck his family and left him bereft of his wife, mother, and daughter. He taught me how deeply loss impacts our identity. We derive much of our identity from our relationships and when they are lost we must look deeper into our own soul to discover who we are apart from those we have loved and lost.

Men are Like Waffles – Women are Like Spaghetti – Pam and Bill Farrell's description of the ways men and women think differently changed how I related to men. I learned that things that seemed unbelievable to me were reality (like men can turn off their brains or when they say "I forgot" it's not merely an excuse, but often the truth). I learned to stay on topic more especially in a serious, problem-solving conversations.

Henry Virkler describes how we relate to one another in Speaking Your Mind without Stepping on Toes. Sometimes we manipulate, sometimes we become aggressive, sometimes we become passive, however the best way to relate is assertively. When we approach another person in an assertive manner, we remember that both ourselves and the other person matter. We seek to find solutions that express respect for both people.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People written by well-known author and speaker, Steven Covey, contains a treasure box of life changing ideas: seek first to understand then to be understood, work through difficulties until you find a win-win solution, and prioritize based on what is important rather than what is urgent.

How I Changed My Mind about Women in Leadership by Alan Johnson is an anthology of reputable, conservative Christians who seek to live according to Scripture and who have also come to recognize the freedom that women have in Christ to exercise their gifts.

The Youth Builder by Jim Burns taught me to establish boundaries that protected my ministry and personal life. Ministry is emotionally and spiritually draining which can also impact us physically. Jim Burns recommends, among other things, limiting the number of nights out each week and taking retreats to focus on God and be refreshed. His advice led me to begin having "Solo Days" - a day set apart every three months to seek God and recognize His direction in my life.

What books have influenced how you live? What lessons have you learned from your favorite authors?

Forgiveness - Repentance - Restoration - Part 2

Forgiveness is what Christ calls His followers to when they are wronged. What about when we are the one who has wronged someone else?

Many times our first response when we have wronged another is guilt. We feel a weight, a sense of having failed, a deep inner knowing that we have not been or done who or what we are at our best. We know that we have acted out of the worst in us and that knowledge can be a heavy burden.

How do we commonly respond to this sense of guilt?

1. Sometimes we blame others. The weight of our own failure is too overwhelming, so we seek to blame others, to share the weight of failure or even shift it completely to another. We hope that this will lift the feeling of guilt, but at best it only appeases our guilt for a time.

2. Sometimes we seek to punish ourselves, to lighten the load of guilt by punishing ourselves. By mentally beating up on ourselves, or even sometimes physically harming ourselves we hope that we will pay the debt of our failure and release ourselves from our guilt.

3. We might also do penance to offset our wrongs. We do good things for others, good things that will make a difference in our world to help bring the scales of right and wrong back to a place where the rights outweigh the wrongs.

4. Or, we might anesthetize our guilt through any of a variety of things - food, drugs, alcohol, sex, entertainment - anything that will take the edge off, anything that will give us relief from the pain of knowing we failed, that we hurt someone, that we acted out of the worst in us.

What is Christ's solution to guilt?

The Apostle John wrote: "If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)

When we fail, when we act out of the worst in us, we sin. Over and over in His ministry Christ called people to repent and that is still His call today, still His solution to sin, to personal failure. He calls us to recognize our failure, recognize our sin. Rather than wallow in guilt, He asks us to confess our wrong doing, both to Him and to those we have wronged. HE promises to forgive us. HE promises to remove our sin from us as far as the east is from the west. HIS response to our confession is sure and steadfast. HE will always forgive.

The response of those we have wronged is not as sure and it is beyond our control. The best we can do is to do our part, to confess, to go to those we have wronged and tell them what we have done and to apologize and hope for forgiveness . . . but we'll talk more about that in part 3.

Lastly, Jesus asks us to turn away from the behaviors and patterns that brought about our failure, that caused us to hurt others. In the beautiful story of Jesus' encounter with the woman caught in adultery, we often focus on Jesus' response to the woman. Truly His response is powerful when he tells those gathered around her, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." That is part of the story worth focusing on, but it is not the end of the story. Jesus also tells her to, "Go and sin no more." Part of repentance is turning away from the behaviors and patterns that have led us to our sin. God will forgive us regardless, but He knows that it is for OUR GOOD to not only confess and seek forgiveness, but also to see a new way of living.

Stay tuned for part three . . . restoration.

Freedom through Forgiveness

Driving along, singing, enjoying a new day and suddenly there are flashing lights in the rear view mirror. You look down at your speedometer and, yes, it registers several miles over the posted speed limit. You pull over, embarrassed, perturbed, perhaps a little frightened, and knowing deep down that you're guilty.

Guilt can weigh us down, like a heavy load on our backs that we can't shake causing us to feel tired, discouraged, perhaps even disconnected. Sometimes the first (and hardest) person we need to forgive is ourselves. Consider these ideas:

1. Is the guilt is real or false? Genuine guilt is the result of a specific wrong done. If the guilt is genuine, the wrong doing can be confessed and forgiven by ourselves, by God and hopefully by the person we wronged.

2. The Apostle John wrote that God will forgive our sins if we confess them to Him. Since God can forgive our sin, then we may accept that we are forgivable. Forgiveness isn't saying that what we did was okay. Forgiveness is letting go of our personal right to punish. Forgiveness is letting go of the wrong we have done as well as the guilt and self-punishment that go with it.

3. God offers us His grace and cleansing. Jesus died to set people free from sin and guilt. The Apostle Paul wrote, "there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." We can forgive ourselves and receive God's grace and know that we are no longer condemned by God for the wrong that we have done. Jesus took our condemnation, our guilt, and our punishment. Because of Him we can be forgiven and forgive ourselves.

May you know the freedom of forgiveness.