Yeah, Though I Walk - Part 2 - Learning to Grieve - Grieve Purposefully

Although I had witnessed trauma and grief, I had no idea how to grieve. All I knew was that it knocked people off their feet and was so very painful. 

A book entitled A Severe Mercy changed my perception of grief. The book is written by Sheldon VanAuken and tells the love story of himself and his beloved wife Davey. Through interaction with C.S. Lewis the couple comes to faith in Christ. Davey’s faith grows strong and she is willing to give everything up for her love of Christ. While Sheldon also believes, he is unwilling to surrender everything to God. Davey’s greatest wish is that Sheldon would surrender completely to God and she is willing to give her life to see that happen. She prays to God for Sheldon and offers herself, if need be, on his behalf. Not long after this prayer, Davey becomes ill and after an extended illness, Davey does indeed die and Sheldon is bereft. 

As he described the process he went through to grieve the loss of Davey, I realized that grief didn’t have to be a bottomless abyss of hopeless agony, but that it could be approached in a purposeful way that honored the person lost, the relationship with that person, and God.

Everyone grieves differently and the things Sheldon did might not work for everyone. Still, I believe that the principle behind his actions is universal. Grief can be approached with purpose and a path to hope and recovery can be found. 

Has there been a book or song that has encouraged you in your journey through grief?

Please take a moment to share it with the rest of us. 

Day 16: Grieving the Loss

As I wrote earlier in "Why? The Question", by the time I was in my mid-twenties I had seen enough traumatic death and loss to understand that death, loss, pain, and suffering were an unpleasant, but real part of life. What I had not learned was how to face the grief in a healthy way.

Then, I read a life-changing book, a true story of two young people deeply in love. Sheldon VanAuken tells the love story of himself and his wife Davey in the book A Severe Mercy. (Spoiler Alert) When Davey dies, Sheldon is bereft. He describes what he does to cope with the loss of his beloved Davey.

As I read their story, for the first time in my life I encountered a man deep in the pain of loss who processed his grief with intentionality and purpose. Growing up I had seen the pain of losses, but no one talked about it, no one processed what had happened. Or, on the other side of the spectrum, I saw people debilitated for years by their grief.

A Severe Mercy started me on a journey to learn how to handle grief, when it came my way, in a way that would honor the person I had lost as well as heal the terrible hole in my life where that person had been.

Everyone grieves differently, so the way Sheldon grieved for Davey would look different from how I would grieve or how someone else would grieve. Sheldon's method was not important. The fact that he was intentional, that he honored his wife, and acknowledged and processed his own pain were the important lessons.

What has helped you to process your grief?