A Tribute to Dorothy Colwell

Dorothy Colwell grew up during the Great Depression. She was born at home in the town of Windsor and lived with her parents, maternal grandmother, older brother and two sisters on the family farm. 

Dorothy remembered growing up without electricity or indoor plumbing, and her father cutting large slabs of ice from a nearby pond to keep their food cold year-round. She told stories of her grandmother churning butter, the matched pair of work horses her father used in the fields, of times when the men from the community gathered at their home to harvest the crops. Her parents were hospitable and often housed teachers from the one room school where her father was a trustee and where Dorothy attended school.

Dorothy began attending Windsor Central School when she entered 7^th grade. She met fellow classmates Jessie Spafford and brothers Arlyn and Floyd Colwell who were to become life-long friends. She knew Arlyn was interested in her when he walked into their high school classroom and wiggled his eyebrows at her. Dorothy married Arlyn when she was 19 and he was 20.

Jessie, Floyd, Dorothy, Arlyn - Senior Trip in NYC

Dorothy and Arlyn started life together with few possessions and a home that was a “fixer upper” duplex they shared with Jessie and Floyd.  

In the years that followed, five children were born—four daughters and one son. Dorothy and Arlyn remodeled the house eventually making it a one family home on their farm. They endured their share of hardships—back surgeries for Arlyn, one of their barns burning to the ground, and their youngest daughter being hit by a car resulting in a broken hip and five weeks in the hospital. Through all these things their love for each other deepened and their strong faith in God sustained them.

Newly Remodeled Kitchen

Ten years after their youngest daughter was born another baby girl joined the family.  

               

Dorothy was a hard-working, loving wife and mother. As Alzheimer’s robbed her of her memory, she forgot Arlyn had passed away and often asked for him and looked for him, concerned for his welfare and longing to have him with her. She loved him until the day she died five days after their 72^nd anniversary. For her, even death did not part them.

She gave birth to six children and loved each of them. She prayed for them individually daily. As they grew into adulthood she sought to find the balance between active, loving involvement in their lives and giving them the freedom to live their own lives and pursue their own dreams. Her greatest desire was that each of them and their descendants would know and love her Lord Jesus Christ.

Her children blessed her with 18 loved and enjoyed grandchildren. They were welcomed in her home and allowed to play freely. She read to them, did crafts with them, helped with their homework, went on excursions with them. Later she attended graduations, showers, weddings, and other happy events in their lives. Very little caused her eyes to sparkle more than having her grandchildren and great-grandchildren visit her.

Dorothy was a devoted follower of Jesus Christ and spent much of her life involved in serving Him through the church. As a child and on into her 30s she attended West Colesville Baptist Church. She used her musical ability to sing solos and in duets or trios with her sisters and others. She led the teen girls Explorer Group in Pioneer Girls Club. Together with the girls in her group, she planned many activities and parties to help the girls earn their badges.

In the late 1960s, she and Arlyn along with several other couples from Windsor met together to form the Windsor Bible Baptist Church. They remained active members for more than 40 years until health issues forced them to pull back. Dorothy was active as a Sunday School teacher for young teen girls. She again used her vocal talent for singing special numbers. Several times she was responsible for signing people up to do special music.  Additionally, she directed several children’s programs, was active in Ladies’ Missionary Fellowship, served in Awana, and organized meals for families in need.

Dorothy was an exceptional homemaker. Although she was a meticulous housekeeper, a good cook, and industrious in gardening and preserving food, her shining gift was creating a home. Her home was a place where people felt welcomed and comfortable. When her children were young, her home was the neighborhood gathering place to swim, play ball, and hang out. She hosted the Colwell family reunion for many years. As her kids grew and grandchildren came along, she hosted family gatherings and her home continued to be open to youth and adults.

Creative and ingenious she liked to sew, crochet, decorate, paint, do plastic canvas, and other crafts. She and Arlyn often worked together on gifts for their children or grandchildren. Taking after her mother, Dorothy wrote a column for the Windsor Standard for several years and contributed a chapter to the book Historical Essays of Windsor.

Dorothy was a talented, gracious woman who touched many people. But to her children she was “Mom” the one who loved us and believed in us no matter what, our staunchest encourager, our best friend. We are thankful for her love, her example, and her belief in us. We rejoice she is in Heaven, while simultaneously grieving the hole her passing has left behind here.

               

One of her favorite verses was:

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am they God:

I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee;

Yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Isaiah 41:10 KJV

Bits of Beauty and Blessing

For most of my life, my mom spent much of her day outside when the weather was nice. She tended the garden, mowed the lawn, pulled the weeds, planted flower beds, picked berries, and seemed to love being out of doors tending to little growing things. Of course to feed her love of green growing things all year around, our house was filled with beautiful plants too. Now, she is no longer able to tend to the lawns and garden or even the plants inside. Yet, she still loves their beauty.

As her mind becomes more confused, one of our challenges has been to find ways to connect with her, ways to engage her in the life around her. Many of the things that she used to enjoy and that filled her days she is no longer able to do. Her husband, many of her family members, and friends have gone before her leaving her lonely and sometimes sad.

In an effort to help her stay connected and engaged, we've created little bits of beauty - flowers, growing things, and doo-dads that she can see from her bedroom window or the chair where she often sits.

Next to her chair in the living room - a miniature rose bush and African Violets.

She enjoys looking out her bedroom window at a collection of whirling flowers, over-sized butterflies, and other garden decorations.

The view from her bedroom window.

In the evenings, I have been planting flowers around the house, watering them, and watering the garden. I often take her outside with me and that has become a time of sweet fellowship for us. I am blessed not only by her company, but by her enjoyment of the beauty of the flowers. One evening she was looking down the valley below our home and describing what she saw. It made me feel like I was seeing the beauty of our view from the perspective of someone seeing it for the first time and I saw it anew with fresh eyes too. 

Viewing newly planted flowers.

The last little haven of beauty and blessings is her porch complete with a handcrafted swing (made by my brother) and baskets and pots of flowers. One of my summer projects has been to spring clean the porch. I have taken Mom with me to sit and soak in the beauty of the flowers and scenery and to enjoy the fresh air. 

Hanging basket from my brother. 

   

Mini porch garden created by my sister. 

Each time Mom exclaims over the beauty of the blossoms or counts the spinning flowers or engages in what we are doing to care for our little growing things, I am blessed. I am blessed by her smile, by the joy in her voice, and to see a little bit of the woman I've always known shining through again.

What about you? Do you have bits of beauty around you that bless you and bring you joy? 

I'd love to hear about them.

Finding Solutions

In a recent blog post, I spoke about finding solutions instead of getting stuck in a negativity pit. Yet, finding solutions is not always easy. Difficulties and challenges can be complex and hard to unravel, making it tricky to find not only a solution, but one that works.

Over the course of the last few years as my Mom has battled Alzheimer’s Disease (AD) we have faced challenges and had to seek solutions. Doing so took perseverance and in some cases courage to step outside what was comfortable to find solutions that would work. (One little side note. Many things have come one step at a time, finding one solution for an issue at one point in the disease and then later repeating the process to find another for issues that developed further on.) Here are some of the things that helped us as a family to find solutions that worked.

Prayer. Several of my siblings and I made it a matter of diligent prayer. We talked with God about our situation, told Him our needs, and asked Him to come through with a solution. He has been faithful to bring solutions each time.

Gather Information. We gathered information from a variety of sources. We used the internet and Googled for suggestions. We contacted The Office for the Aging and then followed up with other agencies they recommended. We talked with people – friends, people with experience in the field, doctors, and counselors. Really, we talked with anyone who we thought might have insights that would help us. We also read articles and books. Through all this we sought God’s guidance from Scripture and godly men and women who could provide counsel.

Brainstorm. As a family we talked, looking at the current needs and issues and discussing possible solutions. As a teacher, I would tell my students to list all the solutions they could think of, even those that seemed impossible or impractical. Sometimes the ones that seem impossible are the ones that actually spark another idea that is not only possible, but a good solution. While in our situation it was largely a group activity, it is certainly something that can be done by one person on their own as well.

Evaluate. As we looked at our potential solutions, we also evaluated them to determine which ones were realistic. This helped us to weed out the ones that really weren’t workable and to find those that were. As we talked and evaluated sometimes a whole new solution arose that was better than the individual ones we had started with. Again, this does not require a group, only some time and thinking.  

Decide and Pursue. Lastly, once we had narrowed down the possible solutions to those that were realistic, we decided which ones to pursue first, often with some sense of priority. Then we set about to pursue the solution, doing what was needed to put it in place, tweaking as we went.

Sometimes our initial solution worked, sometimes, we had to look for others. A key factor through the whole process was prayer. Along with prayer was a willingness to pursue different solutions until we found the one that worked best.

This is one group of ideas, but there are other ways to find a solution.

What has helped you to find solutions to challenges you’ve faced?

Alzheimer's - There is Hope

Recently, after I wrote "Alzheimer's - Another Face of Grief" someone commented about the hopelessness of the situation. I was taken a bit off guard by the comment. Granted Alzheimer's Disease (AD) has no cure and while some treatments slow down the disease for awhile, there is as of yet no cure, no effective treatment. (I have heard that an ultrasound treatment is being tested in Australia that has had some success. Let's pray that it IS a successful treatment!)

Despite the reality that AD has no cure and my mom will continue to decline, I do not feel hopeless, I do not perceive the situation as hopeless. In fact, I have a great deal of hope, hope that is not based on this circumstance or on change. Where is this hope?

1. I have hope in the fact that one day my mom will have a new body and mind. After she breathes her last breath here on earth, her soul will be transported to Heaven. There she will be united with her Savior who she has loved and served throughout her life. She will be reunited with my dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and others who have gone on before us. AND she will receive a new, perfect body. Gone will be all the aches and pains, the diseases that have ravaged her mind and body here on earth. She will be able to think sharply, see clearly, and move nimbly.

2. I have hope in the fact that God brings good out of all things that affect those who love Him. Sometimes we have to look closely for the good, careful to be aware and not dismiss it. Often, I think, the good is the transformation God brings about in us as we trust Him through the difficult times. Sometimes it is an action we are motivated to do because of where we have been. The good may look different in each situation, but it is the promise of a God who keeps His promises.

3. I have hope in the fact that God will give us strength and that He will provide. God promises His strength to us, and repeatedly He has given me strength when I have faced difficult times. In the last two years as Mom's decline has worsened, He has shown up over and over as Jehovah Jireh The God Who Will Provide. He has provided caregivers, finances, strength, and solutions over and over again.

We could become entangled in the hope that she will get better, but this is most likely a false hope that will disappoint and leave us empty. Paul of Tarsus wrote in his letter to the Romans, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us" (Romans 5:3-5 NIV). My hope is borne not from the frailty of circumstances or the false hope of her disease getting better, but in the God who stands with us and provides for us in the midst of difficult seasons.

May you find hope in the midst of difficult circumstances you face. 

Alzheimer's - Another Face of Grief

Grief wears many faces. The person standing in the unemployment line. A family that lost a home and pets in a fire. The mother who lost a child. The father who receives the news that his child has a serious birth defect. The woman who has to have her leg amputated. The husband who has to bury his bride. The young surgeon who receives a diagnosis of terminal cancer. The grandparents who know their granddaughter died at the hands of a drunk driver. The person who receives news of a life-changing chronic illness. The family who loses a beloved pet. Alzheimer's Disease (AD) is yet another face of grief.

AD takes away a loved one little by little. A once active, well-spoken woman who raised 6 children, ran a home, mentored young women, loved her husband, sewed clothes, sang at weddings begins to change. At 82 she watches the home she designed and her husband built for her burn to the ground. Her family notices that she is defensive, angry, having difficulty understanding some important factors of her husband's diabetes. Is it the beginning of Alzheimer's or the trauma of losing her home and having to start again in her early 80s? She and her husband move into their new home and she seems to become more like herself, yet there are still small changes.

Then her husband dies. After 65 years of marriage, a huge loss. A loss that would send anyone reeling. She adapts to living alone, but slowly changes become more apparent. She is unable to fill her own pill case, then she is unable to remember to take her pills. Her meals become more and more simple until she is having trouble even operating the microwave. She begins to have trouble remembering people. Eventually she is unsure of who people are and how they are related to her.

Slowly, over the months and years her family loses her, while she is still with them. Sometimes she remembers them and other times not. Her speech becomes garbled and communication becomes difficult as she struggles to find the words to express her thoughts. Social ques are missed and behaviors are often inappropriate.

Her body is still there, becoming more and more frail. She, a once vibrant, active, hard-working, talented woman becomes trapped inside a frail body and a confused mind. Still there are vestiges of the woman that once was - a clinging to her faith as she recites John 3:16 like she is holding fast to a lifesaver in a treacherous sea; her love for music as she plays the piano at 2 a.m. or watches Lawrence Welk over and over; her dislike of clutter and desire for order. Somewhere under the disease, inside the frail body, occasionally peeking out of the traitorous brain is the essence of the woman that once was.

Her family grieves. Lost is the opportunity to taste her cooking. Gone is the ability to carry on an adult conversation with her. Left behind are excursions to museums, parks, zoos, berry picking, gardening, and shopping. Recipes and memories that have not been written down may become extinct. Yet in the midst of all the losses, of what was that will never be again, there is an opportunity to keep recreating the relationship. Where we used to go shopping, now we watch episodes of Lawrence Welk. Where once we watched movies together, now we read children's books or look at photo albums. Our activities change, but while she remains there is the chance to love her, to minister to her, to enter into her world and connect however we can. There is the chance to hear her voice and to hear her play the piano, the opportunity to hug her gently, to comb her hair, to take her for a ride or to church. Every moment is filled both with grief and with the opportunity to seize every chance to cherish her presence while she is still here.